Page 162 of The Shadow Wand

“He’s a complete sadist,” she spits out. “All of the Banes are.”

“Well, Lukas stopped me from being fasted to him.”

She’s scrutinizing me again, her brow creasing as if in question.

“Lukas and I needed a diversion,” I explain, answering her unspoken query. “We had to seal the fasting to get away from Vogel.”

“So, you’re Elloren Grey now.”

I nod, acutely aware of the momentous shift that’s happened in my relationship with Lukas. “I am. I truly am.”

“Well, felicitations, then.” Valasca cocks one black brow as she eyes me with evident interest. Her mouth tilts into a half smile as she lowers her voice to a more private register. “So. How was he?”

I stare at her, perplexed. And then my cheeks warm. Valasca’s offhanded way of asking about intimate matters that Gardnerians just do not speak of catches me off guard.

Overwhelming. Incredible. And we took each other again last night.“Practiced,” I say obliquely, my blush heating to a burn.

Valasca gives a short laugh and grins, her eyes lighting with mischief. And as mortified as I am by her blunt ways, I’m also bolstered by her tendency to fall back into humor, even in dire circumstances, much like my brother Rafe. A pang of longing cuts through me, the desire to see my brothers again an ever-present yearning.

I glance at my pale gray hand, the Sealing marks hidden under the glamour. “Lukas has been a good friend to me,” I tell Valasca, my voice catching as I remember the last conversation she and I had about love. About both Lukas and Yvan.

The grief that’s always waiting for me in shallow waters sweeps in.

Valasca seems to note my change of mood, her eyes taking on a look of concern. “Elloren,” she says, her voice pitching lower with compassion. “I heard about what happened to Yvan Guriel. And...I know what he was. And what he was to you. I’m sorry.”

I nod, tears welling in my eyes and threatening to spill over. And all of a sudden, the full force of the grief I’ve been suppressing rushes in and I’m being choked by it.

I shake my head as my throat tightens, making it impossible to speak for a moment.

“I loved him,” I finally force out in a rasp. “I loved him with all my heart.” I pause again, overcome as tears glaze my eyes and my lips tremble with emotion, and I’m only half able to voice my heart. “I lost something really important.” The words break off as tears fall.

After a moment, Valasca comes to me and takes gentle hold of my arms. “Elloren,” she says, her voice both serious and kind, “look at me.”

I meet her gaze, my face tense with agony.

She gives me a fiercely significant look. “You will lose important things.” She says this emphatically, her words hard and raw. And terrible in their finality. She stands spear straight as she keeps her gaze locked on mine, as if willing me to really look at her, to really listen to what she’s telling me. “You willlose and lose and loseone thing after another. Do you understand? That’s what this war is. That’s what it means to fight something like Vogel.”

I nod as tears streak down my face and she holds on tight to me.

“You will likely lose every last thing that’s precious to you. And so will I. And so will Lukas Grey. And so will Chi Nam. And so will everyone who really commits to this fight. But you’ll do it so that others won’t lose these things.”

I nod again, my face rigid with misery as I recognize the awful truth of her words. I think of how she’s lost Ni Vin already, choosing the protection of her people over going East.

“Listen to me, Elloren,” she says, firming her grip on me. “My people, they need to get out of this Realm. I need to getallof them to the Eastern Realm. And once they’re there, I need you to use your power to protect them. Now, you’ve met my people. You’ve seen the children. The mothers. The old women. You saw them with your own eyes.”

I think of all the Amaz I met, the women laughing and singing, the little girls and their pet deer. The babies. And my beloved friend Wynter being sheltered in their lands.

Valasca’s expression turns starkly ominous. “Now tell me what you think Vogel and his allies want to do to them.”

I don’t need to. I hold her level stare as I swallow back my tears.

“I believe in you,” she states adamantly. “That’s why I’m here by your side. So, I need you to let go ofeverythingthat’s precious to you for something much greater than all of it. Do you understand what I’m asking of you?”

I hold her fierce stare, fear of my own magic welling up. “I can’t control my power.”

“You’re going to learn to. You need to keep the faith. The time in your life for weakness of any sort isover. We’re going to need you.”

Her passionately insistent tone rocks me to the core, and the chance she’s taking on me fully sinks in—the chance Lukas and Chi Nam are taking too.

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