Page 133 of The Shadow Wand

Before misery can take hold, I press my longing for my family and friends firmly away, everything in the outside world needing to be stamped down this eve. This room and Lukas. That’s all there is. There’s no better choice. I’m Elloren Grey now, and Lukas and I need to be fully sealed so that we can escape.

Setting my focus back on the luxury surrounding me, I move toward the bed and finger the black embroidery on the edging of the canopy curtain. The silk is smooth beneath my fingers, small black tassels hanging from corners. I run my hand along the wood of the canopy post, a shiver of magic passing through my lines.Black Oak.

Lukas is watching me, his hand resting on the back of the velvet-cushioned chair. His fire is banked, but I can sense its presence, molten and simmering.

I glance uneasily at the bed and back to him again as vulnerability takes hold.

“Lukas,” I say, feeling tremulous, “I want to stay sealed once we make it to Noi lands.”

Lukas holds my gaze. “I want to stay sealed to you no matter where we go.”

“No, I mean...if we make it to Noi lands,” I haltingly continue, “I want you to be as bound to me as I am to you.”

“Elloren, our fasting is permanent. And after tonight, the Sealing spell will be too.”

“No, it’s only permanent forme,” I counter, resentment breaking through. “Because I’m female. You can be with other people.”

Comprehension lights in his deep-green eyes. “I won’t be,” he says definitively. “I want only you.”

He says it so absolutely that something inside me loosens. I nod as I hold his gaze in what feels like joint understanding.

“Sit down. Relax,” he offers. “You’re safe here tonight. And this evening won’t be anything like your aunt told you. I’m not going to force myself on you, regardless of what she said.”

I frown at him. “You can be pretty aggressive when you want to be.”

“I can be,” he agrees as he opens a cabinet at the base of a bookshelf and retrieves two long smoked-glass bottles and a corkscrew from it. He rises and meets my gaze once more. “But I would never force myself on anyone.Ever.”

I nod and pull in a deep breath as I sit down on the edge of the bed facing him, running my fingers over a delicate fabric branch embroidered on the quilt beneath me. Lukas has assuaged some of my anxiety, but the outside threats have my whole body tensed and primed for flight. And as reassuring as he’s being, I’m apprehensive about tonight.

Lukas sets down the bottles and the corkscrew on a small table by the chair, his brow furrowing as he takes me in. “Elloren,” he says with understanding, “I know this situation is not ideal. I’ve told you that. It’s much too fast, and I’d have preferred to court you first.”

I nod, my own brow tight as a bowstring, unable to easily shed the danger and trauma of the evening. And the intrusive Gardnerian traditions that muscle in on something so personal and intimate.

“I didn’t like all the jokes about this,” I blurt out in a rush of honesty as I motion loosely toward the bed, unable to keep a swell of outrage from my voice. “All those jokes about your ‘sword’ being used on me andsanguin’insaid over and over.” I can still feel the embarrassing sting of it all, a sting that makes me want to lash out in retaliation for how Gardnerian traditions have taken ownership of this away from me.

Lukas gives me a weighted look, obviously taking this seriously as he comes to me. He reaches out and caresses my shoulder, his thumb tracing a gentle arc on it.

“It’s like some joke I’m the target of but not in on,” I say, my resentment breaking free. I frown at the bed then look back up at him. “I’ve been kept ignorant about this and left out of all the humor because I’m female and...it feelswrong.” It dawns on me, how intimately I’m confiding in Lukas right now. Lukas seems surprised by my candor, but his focus remains unwavering. I’m angered—reallyangered—a tremor taking hold in response to how unforgivablyunfairour traditions are toward women.

“Elloren,” Lukas says as he takes both my hands in his and gently pulls me up, his voice deep and emphatic when it comes. “We’re together in all things. Including this. And it’s not a joke. Not to me.”

My lip curls in disgust. “Tomorrow they’ll be asking you about your ‘sword work’ while they leer at me.”

“And someday you can ram your overpowering magic straight down their throats and envelop them in fire.”

I give him an arch look, unexpectedly and deeply warmed by the violent sentiment. And by his understanding. By how he’s not taking this lightly. “You’re saying all the right things tonight, Lukas.”

Lukas gives a low laugh as he reaches up to caress my cheek, giving me an affectionate look. “Good. I mean them.”

My angry trembling fades under his comforting touch as I make a conscious effort to breathe evenly. I gesture with my chin toward the bottles, remembering that I asked him to bring strong spirits. “So...we’ve spirits?” I note. “That’s good.”

Lukas smiles as he releases my hands. “I think you’ll like these.”

I eye him quizzically as he moves to pick up one of the bottles along with the corkscrew.

He flashes me a subversive look as he winds the screw into the bottle’s corked top. “They’re tree-based wines.” I raise a brow at this as he pulls the cork from the bottle with a suctioned pop.

“I hope they’re strong.”

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