Page 212 of The Iron Flower

And then my fury collapses in on itself. An abyss opens up under me, and I feel my center drop down into it, despair rushing in to fill the void.

An overwhelming sense of loss sweeps over me with the force of a killing wave, knocking the wind out of me as I begin to completely fall apart.

“You don’t want me anymore.” My voice is a strangled whisper, my throat gone rigid. My eyes lose their focus, and I stare out into nothing.

“Is that what you think?” he asks, incredulous.

I hear his voice from somewhere in front of me, like we’re both underwater. I’m vaguely aware of him, of his face in front of me, his eyes fervently trying to find mine.

But it’s all too much. Too horrible. No one left to be a parent to me. Bound to Lukas Grey forever. And now Yvan will leave me, too.

I’m all alone.

I stare out into nothingness as tears stream out of my eyes, like a dam opening, my face unmoving, blank and numb with grief as I begin to fall apart.

Yvan’s hands hold tight to my arms, willing me to listen.

I look into his fierce eyes, my vision blurred by a curtain of tears.

“You think I don’t want you now?” he asks, impassioned. “Because you’re fasted to Lukas? That doesn’t changeanything. Iloveyou.”

I search his eyes, looking for some chink in his armor, for a speck of doubt to confirm my worst fears...and find none. His gaze is strong and steady, wide-open and full of love.

“Listen to me, Elloren,” he tells me, his grip loosening to a caress. “Our being togethercan’tbe about revenge. That’s why I’m refusing you. I love you.That’swhy I want to wait.”

I suddenly feel like someone who’s almost drowned, who’s stopped breathing, only to be resuscitated at the last minute. The air rushes back into my lungs as I fall into him, his arms wrapping tightly around me, holding me up, keeping me from collapsing. I find my voice and cry out in sorrow, sobbing uncontrollably, a keening wail of despair.

I don’t know how long we stand like this, but his loving hold on me never loosens as I cry and cry for my uncle, my brothers, for Ariel and the Lupines, for my friends...for myself.

He stays, holding me, keeping my head just barely above the surface.

Keeping me from drowning.

CHAPTER EIGHT

REVELATIONS

The next two days are a murky haze.

I spend them mostly in bed, drifting in and out of sleep, half aware of Yvan trying to get me to eat and drink, of Tierney arriving at one point, bits and pieces of their hushed conversation piercing through my fog of grief.

She looks so different now. Her blue hair in twisted, knotty coils, her back a graceful, flowing curve, a sack slung over her shoulder.

“I’m setting off for Noi lands tonight,” Tierney tells him. “The Gardnerians are spiking more of the waterways with iron. My Kelpies and I have an ever-narrowing corridor to travel through, and we have to get through the Eastern Pass now, before the Gardnerians completely choke it off.”

Tierney pads over to me, her hand cool on my arm, and I feel a gentle pull on my slim water lines. She leans in close. “I’ll see you in the Noi lands, Elloren. I know you’ll find your way to us someday.”

I stare up at her, hopeless. “Nothing can stop the Gardnerians. They’re going to win.”

A spark of defiance wells in Tierney’s deep blue eyes. “Then I’ll go down fighting in the waters of the Eastern Realm. And you’ll be there to fight with me.”

I turn away from her and shake my head listlessly. “No, Tierney. It’s all lost. Everything.”

I can sense the defiance rippling through her. “Goodbye, Elloren,” she says as she rises. “You’ve been a good friend to me.” Her voice breaks and she’s silent for a moment. When she speaks again, her tone is full of sharp, implacable resolve. “Iwillsee you in the Noi lands.”

* * *

On the third day, I wake and hold up my hands and wait for the fierce wave of grief to wash over me at the sight of the spidery lines, but I’m not overcome this time. My despair is muted, beaten back by the feel of Yvan’s arms tight around me. My eyes are sticky and swollen from crying, and I can’t breathe out my nose. I haven’t bathed in days, and imagine I must smell like sweat, but still, he holds on to me.

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