Page 128 of The Iron Flower

A husky laugh escapes her, and she smiles crookedly at me. “No men. Only women.”

Surprise lights in me. “Can you openly be that way here?”

Valasca eyes me searchingly, growing serious. “Of course.”

This sobers me for a moment. I know such things are forbidden in Gardneria and many other places in the Western Realm, but then I think about the Lupines’ easy acceptance of people loving whomever they love, and I’m suddenly heartened that Valasca can be open about who she is here in Amaz lands, without fear.

And I wonder if the Noi lands will be like this for Trystan. As much as the thought of my brother leaving makes me feel like my heart is being twisted into a tight knot, I want this for him. I want him to find a place where he can be who he really is, freely and openly.

Valasca’s eyes have grown half-lidded. She’s beginning to look like I feel—liquid and relaxed, her posture slackened, like she’s melting into the tree behind her. She takes another drink and peers out over the city, smiling to herself.

I reach for the flask again, and Valasca purses her lips, her head lolling toward me as she reluctantly hands it back.

“Elloren, you really shouldn’t have any more.” Her eyes snag on mine, and we hold each other’s gaze for a long, floating moment. “You’re beautiful, did you know that?” she says, a light observation, nothing flirtatious in it.

I huff out a sound of derision. “I’m not. I look like mygrandmother.”

She gives a short laugh. “I don’t know about that,” she says. “I was only a child back then. I don’t remember her like the others do. But...you Gardnerians...the way your skin shimmers emerald. It’s lovely.”

“It’s our magic. But... I have none.” For some reason, this strikes me as very funny, and I start to laugh. This drink makes everything seem so amusing. I wonder if this is how my irreverent brother Rafe feels pretty much all the time. Always in such good spirits. In good spirits from the spirits. More laughter bursts out of me. The idea is just so...funny.

“I really think you’ve had enough of that,” she says, smiling. She leans in to try to clumsily reclaim the flask from me.

“Why?” I say teasingly, holding it just out of her reach. “I like the way it makes me feel.” My words are strange to my ears, all melting together, slurry and light. Everything is warm and weightless all around me.

“Trust me, you’ll regret it in the morning.” She reaches for the flask and stumbles as I clumsily move aside, stumbling, as well. The two of us fall against each other, wildly infectious laughter bubbling up in both of us as the flask drops to the ground. I grasp her arm for support at the same time she grabs onto mine, and we both stop laughing for a moment as our eyes meet. Then we burst out into hysterics all over again.

Valasca leans back on the tree, alternately catching her breath and laughing. Eventually, we both calm down, Valasca’s back against the broad tree trunk, and me propped against it on one unsteady arm.

“Have you kissed the serious Kelt boy?” she asks. “I saw the way he looked at you earlier today.”

“No,” I say, my smile dimming as a sudden melancholy washes over me. “I thought once...we almost did. But no. I haven’t.”

“Do you think you ever will?”

I shake my head lazily from side to side. “No. Not ever.” The hurt is somewhat muted by the drink, but it still aches in me.

“Do you love him?”

The question hangs in the air between us, all the suppressed emotion inside me suddenly threatening to unravel. Beautiful Yvan, his intense gaze holding mine. So completely and utterly unattainable.

Tears sting at my eyes. “I think I’m falling for him. But I can never have him. Never.”

And then I’m telling Valasca everything I feel for Yvan in a sudden rush. All of it.

She stares at the stars and listens intently as I pour my heart out to her. Then, utterly spent, I fall silent and wipe away my tears.

“I know what it is to have an impossible love,” Valasca says quietly, her voice suddenly rough with emotion. “I’m in love with Ni.”

Ni? Our guard, Ni Vin?My eyes widen with surprise, and I look to Valasca, my head feeling strangely loose on my neck. “Does she like women, too, then?”

Valasca nods mournfully. “She has feelings for me, but...she wants me to come east with her, and...” Valasca glances out over the city and waves her hand loosely toward it. “I can’t leavethis.I love my people, and I can’t leave them. Not right now. Not with things as they are.”

Because of what my people are doing, I consider with dismay.Because we’re bent on creating havoc for everyone in the Western Realm.

“Every time I look at Ni,” Valasca says, her voice impassioned, “it’s like an arrow to my heart.” She dramatically thumps her fist over her chest. “She’s brave and kind and the most beautiful thing I haveeverseen. She doesn’t see it, though. All she sees is her scars. She doesn’t see howperfectshe is.”

I think of Ni Vin’s ravaged ear and hand, the burns that cut across half her body, and shame knifes through my drunken haze.

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