I pulled back. “Ava?”
I pulled out completely, my erection forgotten, panic rushing through me. I pushed back her damp hair from her forehead and turned her face to mine with gentle fingers on her chin. “Shit. I’m sorry.”
Her eyes were glassy, unfocused. Her skin had gone pale and clammy.
“Baby, please,” I whispered. “Talk to me.”
Then life sparked in her eyes and sheshovedme back. “Getoffme. Don’t fucking touch me.”
She might as well have stabbed me through the heart. But I took it. I took the pain like a penance. Because I deserved it. That and whatever else she chose to punish me with.
I held up my hands in surrender, stepping back to let the frigid air rush between us.
She glared at me, breaths huffing through her flared nostrils.
Or more like, she glaredthroughme.
“Ava?”
A shudder went through her and all of a sudden, her fury shattered.
Her features collapsed and she curled into herself as sobs racked her body. “Oh my God…”
Her pain ripped through me, tearing at my chest like claws. I could feel every sob, every broken sound she made as if it were my own.
Without thinking, I pulled her into my arms, letting herfists pound against my chest. I didn’t flinch, didn’t try to stop her.
She needed this release, even if it broke me in the process.
When she stopped hitting me, I carried her over to the living room, settling us both into the armchair with her curled up on my lap.
She trembled against me, her body shaking as she buried her face in my chest, and all I could do was hold her.
My hand brushed over her back, my fingers tracing soothing circles, but the truth was, I had no idea how to fix this.
Silent tears rolled down my own cheeks as I sat with her through the storm.
This—this was exactly what I’d feared.
What good was knowing? What good was digging up the past, tearing open wounds that had only just started to heal? She was better off not remembering. Better off left in the dark, where the weight of what happened couldn’t touch her.
But now the floodgates were open, and I was terrified that the memories wouldn’t stop, that they would keep coming, pulling her deeper into the darkness I’d tried so hard to keep her from.
Slowly, her crying softened, then faded altogether, leaving only the soft sound of her hiccups.
I brushed my thumb under her eyes, wiping away the tears still clinging to her skin. I stroked her cheeks, my heart aching with every touch.
She was so damn beautiful, even when she cried.
I hated seeing her like this, broken and hurting. Couldn’t stop feeling the weight of my guilt, my shame.
Because no matter how hard I tried to save her, I couldn’t erase the nights I hadn’t.
“You remembered something,” I said, a statement rather than a question.
Her glossy eyes finally focused on me. “I remembered that h-he… he…”
I tucked her against my chest as I shushed her. “We don’t have to talk about it.”