Page 113 of Devilish Ink

When Ry finally turned back to me I could see the cracks around her eyes, at the redness already on the tip of her nose, at the clench of her jaw as she tried not to cry.

Ry pulled her arm from my grasp. She walked past me and collapsed into the chair we’d been so happy in just moments ago. Before the world came pouring back in. Before the little bell woke us back up from our dream.

I sighed and dragged a tired hand over my face.

“Everything is going to be fine,” I said, repeating the words she’d told me a few minutes ago when the question of which supplements to take seemed like our biggest challenge.

“How is everything going to be fine?” she cried, collapsing her face down against her knees. “Howis everything going to be fine? I’ve lost my best friend. If that wasn’t bad enough, I’m going to lose all of his friends, too. Rachel, Eithne, Aurnia. Mason and Conor. They’ve been the only family I’ve had and I’m going to lose them, too. We’re going to bealone, Liam. Alone. With Balor still hunting for me and my job gone and—”

“Shh,” I said, drawing her toward me. “Shh.”

Ry wrapped her arms around my waist. I smoothed my hand over her hair in calming strokes even as my own heart raced.

“Don’t worry about your job,” I told her, trying to keep my voice steady even though my chest tightened so much it felt hard to breathe. “I’ll find a way to make some extra money. I’ll talk to Darren. Do overtime. Start taking side gigs. I’ll figure something out.”

Money problems seemed to be the easiest to tackle.

I swallowed thickly before continuing.

“And as for Rian,” I said, hesitating. “As for Rian…”

Ry bunched her fingers in my jacket. She understood that there might not be an answer.

Gently I lifted her chin, guided her eyes to mine.

“I do know that there’s no such thing as alone as long as we’re together,” I said. “Us. You, me and our baby.”

Ry nodded, but I saw the pain still lingering in her eyes.

“I didn’t want to hurt him,” she whispered.

I understood that more than Ry knew.

All my life that was all I wanted: not to hurt Rian.

It was why I stood back when he took my father and older brother’s abuse. It was why I waited in the wings, believing that it would end and Rian would emerge stronger as promised.

It was why I allowed Ry to delay telling him about us when I should have done it months ago.

“Ihurt him,” I said to Ry. “Not you.”

“That’s not true.”

“Your only fault was in loving me.”

“Or in loving both of you,” she said softly. “It’s like trying to hold onto the east and the west…it’s tearing me apart.”

I kissed the top of Ry’s head and begged time to rewind to the bath yesterday evening where she let me wash her hair.

I promised I’d do anything to protect Ry and the baby, to keep them happy and healthy. But what if the thing I needed to do just that was the one thing I couldn’t accomplish?

To reach Rian.

To get his forgiveness.

Darren’s garage was empty, which seemed like its own special kind of curse. I needed to fucking fix something. Because the truth that was creeping up on me like a goddamn shadow was that I couldn’t fix anything.

I sorted and resorted my bills on the desk in the little back office. I’d taken to hiding bills from Ry. Sneaking them from the letter box to the garage like they were drugs.

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