Page 57 of Devilish Ink

He held me tighter, kept me in place when I tried to turn around to face him.

He continued, “You said you couldn’t sleep at my place so we came here.”

I tried to protest, “Yeah, but—”

“Sleep,” he said softly. “Rest. You’re safe.”

His words stabbed my heart. It was what I couldn’t have.

It wasallthat I wanted.

LIAM

Imoved quietly through Ry’s apartment so as not to wake her.

In her kitchen, I turned around with an armful of eggs, tomatoes and a couple sleeves of black pudding to find the wall opposite me littered with pictures of Rian.

My brother’s life illuminated in the cold white glare of the refrigerator.

I’d almost forgotten that this wasn’therapartment. That it washis.That she was just staying here temporarily.

I let the refrigerator door close. I dumped my armful on the counter and stood there with my back to the pictures.

Rian with friends.

Rian happy.

Rian successful.

Rian withoutmein his life.

I searched the cabinets and found a frying pan. I cracked the eggs into a bowl with a single hand. I knew my way around a good Irish breakfast, having lived all my life on the farm.

I pushed around the drawers for a whisk, my fingers grazing over the forks Rian touched, the chopsticks he waved around,laughing with friends over takeout, the saved champagne cork he might have been keeping for New Year’s.

It was all guesses, of course. I created a life for my brother in my head. The truth was I had no idea if he was happy. If he was successful. Whether his friends were real.

I sliced the blood pudding thick, cut the tomatoes into juicy slices, lit the stove, heated the pan before laying down the blood pudding. It crackled and popped and I had nothing left to do but let it cook.

I couldn’t avoid the pictures forever.

I slowly turned toward the wall and stepped over to it.

It was more painful than I thought, seeing the life he had without me. My chest tightened more and more with each one.

Pictures of the opening of Dublin Ink, Rian not looking at the camera, but standing proud.

Of him on a stage getting some sort of art award. More award ceremonies.

Pictures of parties where Rian sat brooding in a corner in a cloud of smoke.

A rare smile on his face as he wound his arms around the necks of Conor and Mason in the booth of a pub.

Here was my brother’s life filled with friends.

No, not friends.Family.

My stomach twisted. I wanted what he had. Was that why I coveted Ryleigh so much? Because I wanted tobemy brother?

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