Page 53 of Devilish Ink

He fell to my side and curled me up against him, his big arms enfolding me as I drifted back down to earth. His hands traced soothing circles at the small of my sweat-slick back.

I inhaled what felt like my first ever breath, a rare storm ofemotion threatening to overcome me. I worried I might cry as I exhaled so I held it in till I was steadier.

I clung to him. Hands everywhere. Looking for purchase.

His fingers intertwined with mine.

I squeezed back and felt a strange twinge in my chest.

“Easy,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “I’ve got you, babe.”

The world stopped spinning beneath me. I wasn’t steady yet, but Lee was. He was steady for both of us.

“I’ve got you. And I’mneverletting you go.”

If only I could believe him.

RY

If I didn’t leave soon, I’d be sending the wrong message.

Lee held me like I’d been shaped just for him. Melting into him was as easy as melting candle wax.

I liked the sweet nothings he whispered to me before fading gently into silence; and I liked the soft flutter of his carefree breathing even more after that.

But I couldn’t fool myself. I couldn’t tease myself.

If I let myself fall asleep, even for just a little while, I’d be telling myself—telling him—that this could be something. If I relaxed into the warmth of his arms around me, I’d be allowing myself to hope that there could be some kind of future in Dublin. If I didn’t retreat from the steady beating of his heart, I might foolishly match mine to his.

Then I’d have to shatter my own heart when I inevitably had to run from this godforsaken city. Could it ever learn to beat on its own ever again? Would it even want to?

It was torture, pulling myself away.

“What are you doing?” Lee mumbled as I slipped my fingers from his.

He was already reaching back for me.

“I can’t stay,” I whispered, suddenly conscious of neighbours through the walls even though that had been the absolute last thing on my mind just a few minutes ago.

Lee surprised me by laughing. He didn’t bother opening his eyes as he patted around for my hand and guided it back on top of his chest, steadily rising and falling.

“What’s so funny?” I asked, still keeping my voice low.

Sneaking out of a guy’s apartment usually didn’t involve so much discussion.

Lee peeked an eye open, the haze of sleepiness over his features.

Had he really let himself get tugged under? Had he really not been faking it, secretly urging me to leave? Wasn’t that how one-night stands went?

“Oh, you’re serious?” he said, propping himself up on an elbow.

He rubbed his eyes like a little kid. His hair was ruffled from sex, but it made him look so young in the dim light. Like the weight he seemed to carry had somehow fallen from his shoulders.

I hesitated. “Well, yeah… I mean, I can’tsleephere.”

Lee nodded, pausing only to give a big yawn. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

He flopped back down onto the mattress.

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