Page 119 of Devilish Ink

That was Rian’s problem: there was only ever room forhispain,histruth.

Looking my brother straight in the eye, I said, “Would you have believed her, little brother? Would you have been able to see past your pain to help her with hers?”

I left without another word. The pieces of our broken relationship had edges that were too sharp.

I’d failed Ry. I’d gone to Rian for her sake. To make sure that she didn’t go unprotected through the night. And I’d made a mess of it.

If anything I’d driven a further wedge between them. Rian would callous his heart toward Ry. I was sure of it. There wasn’t a mirror Rian could face. And certainly not the one I’d shoved in front of him.

No one was coming to Ryleigh’s aid if she needed help and it was my fault.

The guilt plagued me as I drove out of the city as I thought back to our goodbye.

I had hesitated at the door.

“I don’t have to go,” I said to Ry. ”I’ll find another way to make some money.”

She smiled and came up onto her toes to kiss me. “Go.”

“Maybe one of the girls can stay—”

“Go!”

She shoved me out the door and closed it on me before I could stop her.

I’d pressed my hand on the painted door and chewed my lip.

“You’ll be grand,” I whispered.

It was just a night. She’d be fine.

RY

Weren’t goodbyes between friends supposed to take all night?

Weren’t Aurnia, Eithne, Rachel and I supposed to stand around by the front door for another fifteen, twenty minutes? Why was it that the night I prayed they’d stay forever, my friends seemed to be gone in the blink of an eye?

I closed the door hesitantly behind them. In one hand I held a near-empty glass of alcohol-free champagne, in the other I held a taser that Rachel’s American friend had smuggled illegally through the post to her.

That was all that I had left of the night. That was all I had left of the sense of safety and protection the girls had temporarily given me.

Now I was alone. Really alone.

I’d considered asking them to sleep over. To please not leave. To please, please juststay.

But my pride had won out. That kind of pathetic, panicked begging would inevitably lead to questions. And what’s more, answers. Answers I kept like a canary in the cage of my chest.

Besides, our apartment was so small, so cramped. There was no room for them here.

Come on, silly, I can survive a night.

Liam only left me to secure the financial future of our baby. It made sense. It was the right thing to do. I would be fine.

A long bath helped. The relaxation of flickering candles. Soft music. My hair spread round me like river weeds as I stared up at the lights dancing across the ceiling.

I touched myself the way Liam did. My breasts. My nipples. The warmth between my legs.

With my eyes closed I could almost convince myself he was there, his knees knocking against the porcelain tub. His brow wet from the steam. His hands firmly on my throat and my hips as he fucked me.

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