Page 33 of Mastered By Lust

But I can’t do it. Not tonight.

“I can’t give you what you want.” I pause, the unrolled condom pinched between my thumb and forefinger. “Not right now. I’m sorry, Leah.”

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize.” She slides her hand over my arm, then twines her fingers with my free hand. “I am a hundred percent satisfied.”

She’s satisfied, but she’s troubled.

I have no words to reassure her.

I go to the bathroom to toss the unused condom, grabbing a fresh pair of underwear as I go. In the bathroom, I change out of my soiled clothes. I return to the bed and climb in next to Leah. “Stay with me in my…what did you call it? Eternal darkness vibes room?”

“Of course…Daddy.” There’s a smile in her voice. She snuggles close to me.

I kiss the top of her head. “Did you like calling me that?”

“Yeah, I kind of did. No, I definitely did. What do you think?”

“I liked it, too. You can be my little girl, I can be your daddy. That means I get to discipline you when you misbehave.” I pause. “But you aren’t going to run, right?”

I can’t bear the thought of her leaving.

“I’m not going to run.” Her tone is resolute.

I exhale in relief. “Good. Because as your daddy, I need you safe, here with me. I can take care of you in whatever ways you need taking care of.”

“That sounds like a great arrangement.” She runs her hand over my bare chest and presses it against my heart.

After a while, her breathing evens out and deepens. She’s asleep.

“I’m keeping you,” I whisper, hoping that she hears me even in sleep. “I don’t care where you go or who you’re with, as long as you’re happy. But baby girl, you better always come home to me.”

When I wake up, she’s no longer in my arms. I pad across the hall to her bedroom and find her in there.

This isn’t sustainable, sleeping apart.

I need to do something, although I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to do. My past is driving a wedge between me and my future.

* * *

Dmitri

The meat sizzles and sends aromatic smoke into the sky. I’m on grill duty. I prefer it here. Not as much pressure to converse. I love my family, but I’m not feeling it. I’d rather hide in the brick-paved grilling area. I hop up on the ledge behind the grill and watch the other guests. I know better than to try to get on my phone during the party—Mom would never let me hear the end of it. She’d scold me in broken Russian full of threats that neither of us completely understands. We know the threats are scary, though, because her mom used to wield the same ones.

Granddad’s seventy-fifth birthday. It’s a milestone. He pretends not to love the fuss, but I know he fucking does. He’s in his element, shaking hands and back-slapping his old friends, hugging his family.

Patrick is deep in conversation with some of Granddad’s friends. I turn away before anyone can see me frowning. Fucking Patrick. I know what he’s trying to do.

I focus on the grill. The tri-tip steak, the portobello mushrooms, the vegetables. Plate after plate. There are over forty hungry people in Granddad’s back yard, and the food and alcohol keep flowing.

Danica makes a beeline toward me, carrying a plate of raw steaks and a bottle of beer. “How’s it going, house elf?”

“About like you’d expect. Everyone’s leaving me alone, thank Christ.” I give her a pointed look. “Except you.”

“At least I brought you a beer.”

“You did. Thanks.” I take a swig, enjoying the hoppy taste. “Where’s your friend?”

“She texted she’ll be a few minutes late.”

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