Page 41 of Mastered By Desire

Stunned, I stare into Leah’s bliss-soaked expression.

What the fuck are we doing? That was the best sex I’ve ever had in my twenty-nine years, and it was with Leah. My little sister’s best friend.

“I gotta take care of the condom.” I ease Leah from my lap.

“Oh.” She blinks in surprise.

“Yeah. Sorry.” I stand up and hurry to the bathroom, not looking at her. My feelings are a jumble of lust, panic, tenderness, terror.

I dispose of the condom, then I splash water on my face. I watch the water flow down the beige hollow of the bathroom sink. How is gravity even working right now? It shouldn’t be possible.

Because Leah rocked my world. My world is officially rocked off its axis and spinning into the ever-expanding universe.

When I return, her blissful expression has faded into a mask of indifference. She has her shirt and underwear on again.

I tug on my pants and sit next to her. “Come here, Leah.”

“I don’t think I will.”

“We had a power exchange. Let me hold you.”

Her nose wrinkles. “Is this the aftercare thing again?”

“Get over here.” I hold out my arm to invite her closer.

She scoots over to me with a sigh. “Are you happy now?”

Am I…happy? This young woman gave me the ultimate gift of her trust. I turned around and choked her.

If it hadn’t been Leah, if it had been a woman I met at Low Vice, would I feel better about it? Shit, I don’t know. Yeah. I’ve done things like this before. Never had any real problem with it, no regrets.

But this isLeah. My sister’s best friend. I’m supposed to take care of her and keep her safe, not bring her further into my kinky sphere.

“So you’re not happy.” Her voice is glum.

“No, I’m happy, I’m just. Fuck. I don’t know.” I adjust my arm around her, tightening the layer of protection. No matter what, she needs to know how much I care. “I shouldn’t have hurt you, that’s all.”

“Don’t baby me.” She pokes me in the stomach. “You do realize that I was here, present in the moment with you, right? And you gave me a way to stop the action at any time? And what we did—Iwantedthat? Enthusiastic consent—I gave it in spades.”

“It’s that—you’re you. I should be protecting you, not preying on you.”

“Wait.” She starts to pull away, voice full of horror. “Didyounot want to have sex with me?”

“I wanted it!” I didn’t mean to raise my voice, so in a quieter tone, I add, “You were great. What we did, it felt really good to me. Thank you for trusting me.”

She shakes her head. “Everything’s going to be weird now, isn’t it?”

“No,” I lie. Because we can’t do this. We can’t tell Danica. I overstepped all the boundaries, smashed right past them and choked Leah while she rode my dick. “It’s fine, it’s great.”

“You don’t have to freak out about it.”

I frown. “I’m not freaking out.”

“Yeah. You are.”

“Maybe a little.” I clear my throat and focus on the blank TV screen. At some point, she must have turned off the show. “We shouldn’t do that again. Too messy. Emotionally, I mean. With Danica, and…”

She goes rigid against my side. “So that’s that, then.”

---