Page 8 of I Survived and will rise again

“Seriously, these meds make me feel like a pussy, Sade.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Jo, it’s a common side effect from the medications. It’s going to take time for your body to adjust.”

“Doctors don’t know shit,” he mutters. “They just shove these damn things down my throat so I won’t lose my fucking mind.”

He's not wrong.

Unspoken fears and silent promises weigh down the atmosphere. But I refuse to let the shadows that threaten to consume him take hold. I will stand by his side, be his rock in the tumultuous sea of his fears. Together, we will navigate the storm, braving the crashing waves and turbulent winds with a steadfast determination to emerge stronger and more resilient than ever on the other side.

CHAPTER 2

Sadie

Aweek has passed since Jo has returned, and the light seems to be lifting slowly through the darkness that has clouded this family for years. I haven't been able to see Elisa since she seems lost in her own world and wasn’t ready to see anyone but her mother. She has her own darkness to sort through, and we’re going to give her space to do that.

“What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Donnie asks, breaking the comfortable silence between us. We sit side by side on the wooden bench, Sophia in her stroller, overlooking the lake's calm waters, enjoying our sundaes. The sun attempts to beat down on us, but we're protected by a canopy of trees, their leaves rustling softly.

As I turn my head to glance at Donnie, I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness having him in my life again. He has been a great source of support for Sophia and me. He helps me balance the positive and negative aspects of my life, which allows me to find some normalcy, just like today. Considering all he's been through, it's amazing how he's been able to do this for me.

He's never brought it up. I know better than anyone what happens to you when you hold things in for too long.

My thoughts begin to spiral in a dizzying whirlwind from worry about Donnie. He always puts on a brave face, never letting anyone see the turmoil brewing inside him. From personal experience, I know bottling up emotions can have serious consequences. I wish he would take his own advice and confide in someone who can help him unburden himself.

Even if that person isn’t me.

“How areyoudoing? We never really talked about what happened with all the—” I begin, but Donnie cuts me off.

“I'm good, babe. I promise I'm good,” he reassures me. He leans in and gives me a quick peck on the lips, then turns his attention back to Sophia. Her little hands clapping with excitement as he feeds her a spoonful of ice cream. Her legs kick up a storm, and she babbles happily.

If our roles were reversed, I don't believe I would have the emotional capacity to handle watching the torture on repeat the moment I close my eyes. Perhaps he does a better job of separating his emotions and thoughts. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

My contentment is abruptly shattered when he interjects, his tone grave and serious, “Shorty, we should talk about me leaving soon,” he says. “I was waiting for the right time to talk to you about it, but it doesn't look like that will happen anytime soon,” he adds.

A heavy cloud of sadness settles over my heart. I hold onto every moment, not wanting them to slip away, knowing Donnie will soon leave for Tennessee. The weight of that impending separation hangs heavily in the air, casting a shadow over our time together.

I gaze out at the water and let out a sigh. “Yeah, I guess we should, huh?” I say, trying to mask the sadness in my voice.

“We’ll make the distance work, and we’ll talk every day,” he promises.

As much as it breaks my heart to see him leave, I can't help but feel immensely proud of him for taking this step toward his dreams. I want the best for him and wholeheartedly support his decision to pursue his passions, even if it means we will be miles away.

“Yeah, that's true,” I respond with a heavy heart. The pain feels just like it did when I was six, chasing him down the street when he moved away.

Donnie, picking up on my mood, responds with a playful tone. “But?"

I can't help but admit the truth, no matter how painful it is to utter the words out loud. “It freaking sucks.”

Donnie's lips curve into a smile, but it is delicate and unsteady. It feels like we are connected by our shared pain, a deep understanding that doesn’t need words.

Donnie places Sophia's now-empty bowl beside him on the bench. Sophia's big, round eyes look up at Donnie as she stretches out her tiny hands, her fingers opening and closing. She lets out a soft whine, wanting more.

He chuckles as he wipes her mouth with a napkin, saying, “Baby girl, it’s all gone. You ate it all.” He reaches for the diaper bag and pulls out a juice bottle. She quickly leans back once he hands it over and then starts drinking her juice.

Donnie puts his arm around me and holds me tightly and buries his head in my hair. “I’m going to miss you too, Shorty, every second of the day, and I want to feel you every minute that goes by,” he murmurs, his voice filled with sincerity. Then he pulls away and I look at him. “But know this, Shorty,” he continues. “No amount of distance is going to change the love I have for you. It will always burn bright and strong, no matter where we are.”

“Like being underneath the same stars,” I murmur softly, and my eyes begin tearing up.

“Yeah, like being underneath the same stars.”

---