Page 5 of I Survived and will rise again

I know you have questions you want to ask. You're not one to keep things secret, and you're probably wondering why I never told you about Javi, our half-brother. I wish we could have talked about all of this in person, but this letter will have to do for now in case anything was to happen to me.

I understand if you're feeling hesitant about trusting someone you don't know, but you won’t have to worry about that with Javi. Javi has earned my trust, and I know he will have your best interests at heart. Sade, I would never put you in danger and leave you unprotected.

I can only imagine the thoughts running through your mind right now. And get that shit out of your head about him replacing me. Our bond is too strongfor anyone to break it. You have room in your heart for him too. I know you do.

You are a kick-ass mother, Sade, and I have always been proud of your love and strength in raising Sophia. I wish I could be there to witness her grow. I wish I could be there to see her take her first step, fight with you for the first time because she's stubborn like her mother, go on her first date—no, that shit ain't happening.

There are so many things I wanted to say to you in person, so many things left unsaid and unresolved. I failed you in many ways, and that failure weighs heavily on me. I would give anything to turn back the hands of time, to erase the pain and bring back the innocence we lost. If only I had done more to protect you and Mom, to shield you from the pain and heartache Papi caused. But as fucked up as it may sound, it made us stronger and stubborn as hell.

I don't know what will happen to me, but you should know I love you so much. Even though I'm not there with you, I'll keep an eye on you from wherever I go. Take care of Mom and Abuela. Forgive Mom, sis. We can't waste time on regrets. Life is too short. Trust me, I know. We cannot change the past, Sade, but I hope you can find away to make peace with it. It's not easy and may take time, but you taught me to believe in the power of forgiveness. Move forward and seek a way to make amends, to mend the broken pieces of our family. I love you, Sade, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Rise above it all and shine. Go to college and live your dream. Let Donnie love you wholeheartedly. Keep crazy ass Tia, Seb, and the rest of the crew close. I am so proud of you and the young woman you have become. You are so strong and brave. I'm so fucking proud to be your brother.

Jo

“I was coming back home to you when it happened,” Jo says quietly. I turn my head toward him, and I see Sophia babbling. She lightly pats his face and tries to stick her tiny fingers in his mouth. As he holds her hand, he manages to smile through his tears. He playfully nibbles on her fingers with his lips, eliciting a giggle from her.

As I remain silent, Jo directs his gaze toward me and continues. “The night I was arrested…” I take a deep breath, trying to steady my own emotions as I listen to him.

Not just the night he was arrested—the night he wastaken.

Flashback

JOSIAH

Isit on the cushioned chair by the front desk and power up my phone. I have several messages from Hector, Donnie, Tia, and Sade. Loud voices ring out through the station before I get a chance to read them. I turn to my right and see four bikers ready to tear this place apart, along with everyone in the building. Detective Monroe leaves me alone to help the other officers control the crowd. He didn’t even think twice or give me a second glance before he left.

I have to get the fuck out of here. There’s too much noise and too many people. I’m going to lose my shit if I can’t get away from the commotion. As I stand amid the fucking chaos and the assholes yelling, I spot a tiny gap in the crowd. Determined to make my escape, I take measured steps, careful not to bump into anyone or draw any unwanted attention, which is hard as fuck. My heart pounds in my chest as I weave in and out of the throngs of people, my eyes constantly darting around to ensure I’m not being followed.

I walk as far as my feet can carry me, and I end up at the park Sade and I used to go to. I showed her how to play horse for the first time at this park.

My phone vibrates in my hand. I look down to see a new voicemail from Sade.

I press play.

“Hey, Jo. It’s me, Sade. Um, I miss you, and I’m really scared. I need you to come home. I’m not mad at you, okay? I just want you to come home.” She sobs throughout her message. I’m about to hang up, assuming her message has ended, but then the message continues. Her next words nearly kill me.

“You matter, Jo. The world needs more men like you. Someone who is a protector. A hero. A good man. Please, please let me help you. I can’t lose you, Jo. I can’t. I won’t survive it.” She sniffles.

There’s a silent pause before she speaks again. “Just come home. I love you, Jo. I love you so much. I’m so happy you’re my brother.” She cries, and my heart splits open all over again.

Present

SADIE

He sighs deeply and looks at me with a pained expression. “Honestly, Sade, I didn't want to live anymore after that night.” He pauses for a moment before he continues. “The pain was just too much. And after everything that I've done to you?” He trails off, as if he’s unable to finish the sentence.

He takes a deep breath and tries to compose himself, but the tears keep flowing. His lips tremble, and his eyes narrow, showing his vulnerability. “I took Papi’slife.How can you come back from that?”

“Oh, Jo.” The constriction in my chest is almost suffocating. The realization of the pain he must have endured is overwhelming. The depth of his sadness was enough to make him consider ending his life—a life that deserves to be cherished and protected.

Sophia lifts her head to gaze up at him with big, curious eyes, and she starts babbling as if she's having a conversation with him. Jo smiles at her innocent chatter. Big tears slowly begin welling up in his eyes. Sophia pushes herself up to her tiny feet, wraps her little arms around his neck, and hugs him tightly. Jo holds Sophia even tighter and sobs rack his body.

Not soon after that, my eyes also fill up with tears.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he chokes out.

I use my sleeve to wipe away the tears streaming down my face. With a small, trembling smile, I say, “Please don't blame yourself. You did everything in your power to protect Mom,” I assure him. “I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, Jo, but I know that accepting the situation will take time.”

“It's easier said than done, Sade.” His voice trembles as he speaks.

---