Page 31 of Redeeming Meg

“This is a completely different situation.”

“Is it?” That night, the president had been attending a private party at an estate that only a handful of people were to knowabout. It was a secret meeting of potential allies. The swans had been nearby after shutting down a potential health epidemic. The CIA had learned that the estate was about to be blown sky-high, and evacuating it would alert authorities and the press. The swans were to get in, defuse the bombs, and get out without anyone being the wiser. “We have hostages, a wanted terrorist, a missing person, and top-secret information that needs to be retrieved. Four bombs, four of us.”

“Hate to remind you of this, but Tessa is not one of us.”

“She would argue that I bet. While she might not have been on previous missions with us and understand our protocols to the letter, she survived plenty of assignments during her tenure as an operative that went Ringley Brothers on her.” It was a term they’d coined for a situation that had dissolved into a circus. “She can help us handle this.”

“Divide and conquer,” he muttered.

“Our mission was to retrieve the USB, but I can’t in good conscience leave those hostages behind or let Hagar go free. We have to stop him from getting that information at whatever cost, and beyond all of that, we need to find Tommy.”

He paced a few feet away, thinking it over. Came back, his expression grim. “Dividing us up like that is too dangerous.”

“It’s the only way,” she argued.

He did the pacing thing again. She realized she’d missed that. He always thought better when he was moving. “We bring in Spence and Tessa to handle the hostages. You and I go after the intel and Hagar.”

Her blood boiled again. “That’s an efficient use of our resources.”

He tugged out his earbud. “On the contrary, that’s the best use of them. I know what you’re thinking, Meg. You were going to put yourself in charge of going after Hagar. Do you really think I’d go along with that?”

No, she didn’t, but she’d had to give it a try. “I want to look in his eyes when I kill him. For Jessie.”

“A quick death is too easy. I figured you’d want to turn him over to Flynn.”

“I don’t trust myself to do that.” She pointed at her temple. “I’m…messed up. I might…”

“Torture him first?”

She’d considered it.

Dec knew she had and didn’t judge her for it. “Anyone who went through what you did with Hagar would be messed up. They would want to see him suffer in retaliation for what he did to Jessie. Nothing you do to help yourself will work until he’s paid for what he did, and it’s by your hand. Stop beating yourself up over it.”

She sucked in a breath.Nothing you do…

Damn it. He was right.

Again.

She’d been spinning her wheels, trying everything under the sun to find a way to come to terms with it. To make herself suffer over and over in recompense.

But it wasn’t enough. Would never be enough.

So, here she was, still mired in that bastard’s manipulative and cruel filth. Hagar was nothing but rotting scum, and he’d pulled her down into it. Drowned her in it.

She wanted revenge. She wanted him to suffer. He was a sadist who had hurt so, so many people.

He should be dead, not Jessie.

“You’re not a damn saint, Meg.” Declan was still reading her mind. Still absolving her from wanting to take all her hurt and rage out on Hagar in a very un-Meg-like way. Brutal. Vicious. Remorseless.

That was her fantasy. One of them, anyway.

Being on this mission, though, had taken the edge off her hopelessness. Being with Dec and Spence again. Using her skills and cunning to recruit Tessa. Even following—and then bucking—Flynn’s orders.

It had all reminded her of what she’d once loved. This work wasn’t for most folks, but for her? She was a natural at handling turmoil and upheaval.

She touched the pendant, feeling Jessie’s steadying presence. “When I catch up with Hagar, I’ll make it quick and clean, but I’ll be sure to record his execution at my hands to allow the world to witness his final breaths, just like he put Jessie’s death on display. And yeah, I know. Vigilante justice will be a one-way ticket off the swans and into prison. I don’t care.”

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