I nod. “I definitely do. There’s a comfort in throwing to Arizona and in having my college teammates at shortstop and second base.”
“It shows in your pitching. And what about your love life?”
“Not much to report.”
“You haven’t started up with Quincy again, have you?”
She knows everything that went on in Houston besides the marriage. She assumed the team took care of my immigration status, and I’ve never corrected her.
I’m quiet.
“That’s why Arizona knows you’re getting laid but knows nothing else.”
I blow out a breath. “I’ve tried to stay away—”
“But you can’t because you’re in love with him. You always have been.”
I can only nod at the truth of her statement. Tears sting my eyes. “I wish I wasn’t.”
“How does he feel?”
“That’s the thing. He’s always pursuing me and being crazy possessive. He even interrupted a date I was on a few weeks ago. Literally pulled the guy away from me and scared him off.”
“If you both love each other, why can’t you be together?”
“I think he’s embarrassed of me.”
She shakes her head. “That’s nonsense. You’re beautiful,smart, talented, and kind. Just plain perfect. Any man would be lucky to have you. I can’t imagine Quincy Abbott has ever said otherwise to you.”
I sigh. “He hasn’t, but we’ve always been a secret. He won’t love me in public.”
“Do you call him out on it?”
“I have. It’s all very circular and confusing. In the end, we always get back to the fact that we want different things in life. I eventually want to get married and have kids. He wants neither.”
“Ever?”
“That’s what he says.”
She squeezes my hand. “I don’t want you to end up like me, baby. Brokenhearted and never over the man she loved.”
I suck in a breath. She’s never once mentioned anything like this to me.
My hands start trembling. “Was…was it my father?”
Tears start to fill her eyes before she slowly nods. There’s something so impactful about knowing that she loved him. I’ve always assumed he was another nameless bedfellow. A random Barney. Knowing there was at least some amount of love is a burden off my shoulders that I didn’t know ever existed until it was lifted.
“Will you tell me more about him? Please?”
She covers her mouth. “I don’t know if I can.”
“But I was conceived with love?”
She smiles as if she’s remembering. “Yes, baby. So much damn love that I’ve never truly gotten over him, and it’s been nearly thirty years.”
“He didn’t want me?”
“It wasn’t like that. It was…complicated…tragic.”