Page 137 of Curveball

I nod for him to do so. I’m so choked up with emotion, I don’t think I could speak if I wanted to.

“I moved to Philly thinking the distance would help rid me of the feelings I had for you. It didn’t. And then, a few months later, you were back in my life, in my bed. I realized I couldn’t exist without you. I was honestly thinking about taking a small step in that direction, talking to you about giving us a chance at real dating, but then the baby thing happened, and I was spooked. I’d rather not be a father than be a bad one. After Thanksgiving, my father and I spent a few weeks alone together. I still can’t get over him taking a few weeks off work for me. We had our come-to-Jesus moment. We yelled and screamed. We got it all off our chests. I told him everything I’d bottled up for thirty-three years. It felt good. Great. He helped me understand why he is the way he is. I assumed it was because he didn’t care—”

“He cares.”

“I know that now. Though misguided, he wanted to give us the stable life he never had and sorely craved growing up. And then…and then…I went to rehab.”

My eyes widen in shock. I don’t even try to hide it.

“Rehab? For what?”

“I’m not sure rehab is the right term. More of a therapeutic retreat program. I was depressed. There’s no other way to see it. You’re the only person who knows this. I told Arizona I was traveling the world to get my head together. I don’t owe anyone but you an explanation. I did it for you and me, no one else.”

He rubs my face. “I want to be a better man. The kind who deserves a woman like you. The kind who can find a way to be a good father despite spending a lifetime insisting I’d never be one. It was time for me to seek professional counseling to help me copewith some of the issues I’ve been struggling with for so long.”

He runs his hands through his hair in typical Quincy-like fashion before he takes my hands in his again. “I want to be honest with you but don’t want to freak you out.”

“You can say anything to me.”

He nods. “My counselor helped me realize that I’ve been in love with you for thirteen years but was too chicken shit to act on it. That I never let myself be truly happy, so I never let myself go there mentally. My heart was feeling one thing, and I was too fucked up to accept what was right in front of me all along.”

“Why didn’t you come to me after that?”

“My retreat finished the day before I was scheduled to be in Clearwater. Honestly, I still wasn’t sure what I was going to be capable of. I thought I had a few more months before I needed to do anything. The team had a West Coast road trip scheduled for the beginning of the season. My plan was to talk to you then. I had no way of knowing you’d go into labor two months early. But when you did, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Everything my therapist said to me came into color. The feelings inside me suddenly became clear. I want to be happy.Youmake me happy. I’m in love with you. I can’t and won’t do life without you and our baby girl.”

Tears now fall from his eyes. “I thought I had lost you, and if I did, I don’t think I could have kept on going. I had already assumed the baby was gone, and of course I felt sad and guilty, but I hadn’t met her yet. It was different. Thinking you were gone too was soul crushing, Shortcake. It changed everything for me in the blink of an eye. I—”

Not able to take another minute without it, I crash my mouth onto his. His soft lips immediately embrace mine. Our tongues taste each other for the first time in what feels like forever. His longer beard is rubbing my face in the best way possible.

His hands squeeze my hips and mine grip his shirt. I think I see a few flashes go off, but if he doesn’t care, neither do I. There never has been and never will be a time in my life when I don’t love this man. My imperfectly perfect man.

The waitress popping her gum causes us to break apart. “Yous lovebirds ready fa some pizza?”

Our lips are no longer together, but our faces are still close. Quincy wordlessly nods and she leaves the pizzas at our table. We simply stare at each other.

He whispers, “Are we going to be okay? You and me?”

I whisper back, “I don’t know. I hope so.”

I’m finally realizing it was never about me. All this time, I thought he had some amount of shame about being with me, but that’s not what it was. It’s always been about him and his personal struggles. I want to believe everything he’s saying to me right now, but there’s still a small part of me that can’t go all in.

I run my fingers through his sexy beard. “Thank you for sharing with me. I know it’s not easy for you. Let’s put the heavy stuff aside for now.” I grab a slice. “I need to try the pizza that has pizza snob Quincy Abbott so enamored.”

He smiles as he reaches for his own slice, and we both take our first bites.

We talk and laugh throughout dinner. It’s just like our pillow talk in Houston. As much as I missed my lover Quincy, I’ve missed my friend Quincy just as much. And he was right. This is the best pizza I’ve ever had in my life.

When we get back to the house, he stops us at the front door. “Can I have a kiss goodnight?”

I smile. “A goodnight kiss? You know you’re going to end up sneaking into my bed.”

He feigns shock. “I’m merely watching over you and our daughter.”

I shake my head. “Just remember, I don’t put out on the first date.”

Taking me into his arms, he breathes, “I don’t want to mess things up this time. I want to take it slow on the physical too. We already know we’re compatible, more than compatible, on that front. You need to know how serious I am about this. I want to date you. I want to court you.”

“Court me? What century are we in?” Insecurity starts to creep in. “You don’t want me?”

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