Page 113 of Curveball

I look at my sister. “What’s in an hour?”

“The Daulton jet. That’s the fastest way for us to get to Ripley. I know they’re down here for spring training. We hitched a ride with them early this morning.”

“How do you know what he meant? How did heknow what you meant? You two just had a silent conversation.”

She shrugs. “When you love someone, you understand what the other is thinking before the words are even spoken. He knew I was thinking about the jet, and I knew he was answering that silent question.”

“Z, I’m scared.”

She nods with tears in her eyes. “I know. Me too. We’ll be with you the whole time.”

“You’re coming?”

“Of course.”

A few hours later,we’re in the air somewhere in the middle of the country. My mind has been racing. I’ve been googling all the possible causes of pre-eclampsia and early labor in general.

Arizona is fast asleep on Layton’s chest and he’s caressing her hair lovingly, occasionally kissing the top of her head. Even though I’m a mess right now, I have a brief moment of happiness for my sister for what she and Layton share.

In a quiet voice, so as not to wake her, I say to him, “What’s wrong with me that I can’t have what you two have?”

In an equally quiet voice, he responds, “Nothing is wrong with you. No more than anyone else. We all have baggage. We just need to choose to set it aside and move forward. I had two choices. Let my past ruin my future or accept this perfect, beautiful woman into my life and be happy. I chose happiness. It wasn’t even hard.”

“How did you know? How did you know she was the one worth setting your baggage aside for?”

He thinks for several long moments. “That’s a loaded question. Trey once said to me that he knew Gemma was the one when the others faded away. He couldn’t even see anyone else. I realized that was exactly how I felt. Nothing and no one else in this world matters to me more than her. It forces you to look within yourself. The past, which often haunts you, somehow stops mattering. All you can see is your future, one that only makes sense with her in it. I had no parents—”

“I had no parents.”

I see his jaw tic. “No, Quincy, you had and still have parents. Mine were dead. They died in a car crash. I was in the car and didn’t get a single scratch, but both of my parents died on impact. I was orphaned as a baby. I’d give anything in the world to have parents like yours, imperfect or not. Maybe your parents didn’t give you the picture-perfect childhood you would have liked, but they loved you and were around. They provided for you, you had dinner together, your mom tucked you in at night, and they supported your dreams. Be thankful that they’re around to even know what your dreams are. I would kill for that. They were and are there for you in their own way. Grow the fuck up and stop blaming them for all that ails you.”

“You don’t understand—"

“No,youdon’t understand. You have a good life. You’re successful. You get to play fucking baseball for a living. Do you know how many people would kill for that? You have an amazing woman who’s madly in love with you. We’ve both received more than our share of attention from women based on all the wrong reasons. Ifound one who loves me for all the right ones. So have you, but you’re so filled with anger and self-loathing that you won’t let her in. You made the arbitrary decision that you didn’t want a family as an immature kid. Time to stop being a kid and realize that it’s okay to change your mind. I don’t know what will happen today, but you might have a child with her, and you might not. Either way, she loves you, and I know deep down you love her too. She’s going to need you no matter what.”

I run my fingers through my hair. “I know.”

“Maybe it’s not your time right now, but one day you could have a family with her. You’re not some piece of shit, Q. I think you’d be an awesome dad. Look what you did for Arizona. I know you’re the reason she views her childhood as a happy one.”

“It’s hard to explain how I felt as a kid. So fucking insignificant. I don’t want to be an absentee parent and make my kid feel that way.”

“Then don’t. You have a fuck-ton of money, more than most people will ever make in a lifetime. Choose how to live your life.”

“Retire, like you? I have no other skills. I don’t even have a college degree. Everything I am and do revolves around baseball. Baseball players, coaches, and analysts all travel. A lot.”

“You don’t have to retire. You don’t have to step away from baseball. That’s not the only way to make it work. Look at Trey and Gemma and countless other baseball marriages. Quincy, we’re lucky. We have a job that only requires us to bein the officefor half the year. And while some of that time is spent on the road, we’re home more than most. You can achieve a good, healthy balance. Being a good spouse and parent isn’t about spending everywaking moment together, it’s about making the most of the time you do have. I don’t spend every second of my life with your sister.”

I mumble, “It feels like it.”

He rolls his eyes. “How do you see your life in the future?”

I sigh. “Alone. That’s how I’ve always seen it. Being an uncle to Arizona’s kids is as close as I’ve ever thought I’d get to little ones.”

“Is that what you want or what you’ve always assumed?”

I lean my head back and am quiet for a few long moments before admitting, “I don’t know.”

Arizona starts to stir. She blinks her eyes a few times before looking up at Layton and softly kissing his lips.

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