Page 55 of Faking the Book Boyfriend

I shake my head. “You’re gross.”

“You queefed in front of us last Sunday.”

I wave my hand in a dismissive fashion. “Can’t prove a thing.”

He winks and blows me a kiss. “You love us.”

“Hmm. I suppose. It’s only because girls are high maintenance. You two are easy.”

Val chuckles. “CJ is definitely easy. You should have seen the brown-bagger he was with last weekend.”

I shake my head. “Ugh. You know I hate that term. It’s so wrong.” It’s what they’ve always termed women with attractive bodies and unattractive faces. You put a brown bag over her face, and all is good.

CJ winks at me in his casual hoodie and sweatpants. “They can’t all be tens in both face and body like you.”

I bat my eyelashes. “You flatter me.”

He chugs the rest of his beer, burps loudly, and then asks, “What about your love life? Have you been knocking boots with anyone lately?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Knocking boots? You’re so unoriginal. Even my grandmother and her friends are more creative than that. Come up with something better, and then I’ll answer you.”

“Doing the dirty deed?”

I toggle my head back and forth in contemplation. “Hmm, better, but not good enough.”

Val shouts, “Stuffin’ the muffin!”

I smile and nod. “Yes, using food is always good.”

CJ thinks for a moment. “Makin’ the bacon?”

“Now you two are thinking like writers. So proud of my boys.”

They both smile with pride.

I straighten my shoulders. “I am, in fact, riding the Bony Express. Thanks for asking.”

CJ laughs. “Bony Express. Good one. It’s not another finance dickwad, is it? Our friendship barely survived Aiden.”

“Definitely not like Aiden. In fact, he put Aiden in his place earlier this week when we ran into him.”

Val wiggles his eyebrows. “I like him already. When are we going to meet him? Ya know, give him the brotherly shakedown.”

I smile with affection for my two best friends. I’m fully a guy’s girl. I always have been. I simply get along better with men. CJ and Val have been my best friends since middle school. The number of threesome jokes I’ve endured throughout the years has got to be in the tens of thousands. I don’t know why people can’t comprehend opposite-sex friendships, especially a tight trio. Never for a single second have any of the three of us entertained the notion of something physical. They see me as one of the guys or even as a sister. It’s not that they’re unattractive, just the opposite, but it’s simply not what we are.

At this point, we mostly watch games together. Sunday football is our weekly tradition, but we’ll occasionally do a Friday night basketball game over pizza and beer, like tonight. And on rare occasions, I’ll go out to clubs with them. They always go home with random women, so I don’t love doing that with them, but watching sports with my two boys is my happy place. It’s how I relax.

My phone pings, and I look down at an unfamiliar number. It’s photos of me from today. One at work and one while I was on my way to lunch.

I write back.

Me: Who is this?

Unknown: A secret admirer.

Huh? A secret admirer? Wait a minute. I smile. I bet it’s Trey. I click on Trey’s contact information and call him. He answers right away, “Hey, beautiful. I was just thinking about you.”

“What were you thinking?”

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