Page 4 of Faking the Book Boyfriend

“Ahhh, Mr. Perfect. What does he look like?”

Libby smirks. “He’s tall, tattooed, has bulging muscles, a six-pack, and a dick so big, when he’s hard, it causes a solar eclipse.”

We all laugh as I shake my head. “I didn’t mean that question literally. I meant it more figuratively. How does he treat us? How do we want him to treat us? Isn’t it more about how he makes you feel? If he makes you feel like his queen, that’s aMr. Perfect.”

Ava, always the retrospective one, says, “I hear what you’re saying. I loved Zach, but being married to him didn’t make me feel good.”

Libby quips, “Because you were more like a babysitter, not a wife.”

I nod. “Exactly. There’s some woman out there who has an over-the-top maternal urge. Shewantsa man like Zach to depend on her. He will makeherfeel good, he just didn’t makeyoufeel good, Ava.”

JoJo scoffs. “I feel like Zach is one of those weird fuckers who likes to wear diapers and be mommied as a kink.”

Ava’s mouth widens. “Is that a thing?”

Libby answers, “It sure is. I was in the rabbit hole of googling kinks the other day to see if there are any I haven’t used yet, and that one came up. It’s not sexy. At. All.”

I remark, “But some kinky bitch out there is into it. That makes ZachherMr. Perfect.”

We all yap about weird kinks for a while. You can have frank conversations like this with your author friends that you can’t always have with your real-life friends. It’s bizarre. We talk about the finer intricacies of anal sex like we’re discussing our grocery lists.

I love these ladies. We only met a few years ago online, but they’ve become so damn special to me. We text in our group chat every single day. Some bookish topics, and some not-so-bookishtopics. We’d probably be arrested in a few states if those text chains ever saw the light of day.

After a few more rounds of drinks and a hilarious incident where Libby accidentally used my lube as hand lotion, we somehow get back to talking about Mr. Perfect. A thought occurs to me. “There needs to be some kind of boot camp for guys where they’re trained to be book boyfriends.”

Libby, being the jokester, starts on about what the boot camp would entail. Teaching hopeless men things like the art of sexy doorframe leans, telling us we’re good girls, proper growling technique, and my personal favorite, which I’ve never admitted to anyone, possessiveness. Some people are turned off by it, but there’s a reason I write about possessive men. I’ve never truly had one, and I know, deep down inside, I want one.

They’re joking about boot camp shenanigans and calling Libby a drill sergeant, but I think there’s something to it. I’m quiet for a bit, not listening to whatever it is they’re saying before I chime in, “Ya know, it’s not that bad of an idea.”

Libby appears confused. “What’s not a bad idea?”

I take a long sip of the weird shit we’re drinking that I can no longer taste, before answering, “Training men to become book boyfriends.”

JoJo says, “Well, yeah. That would be nice. Someone needs to do something with the current dating pool. It’s abysmal.”

I look at all of them. “Just hear me out. What ifwestarted a business to do that?”

Ava laughs. “You want to turn Drill Sergeant Libby loose on the men of America? Ooh! Can we get her a whip?”

They’re all laughing, but I’m dead serious. At least I think I am. “Maybe not boot camp style—though I would love to see Libs wield a whip on some clueless sap—but why couldn’t we be consultants? We write the kind of men women want, so why couldn’t we be hired to…educateguys?”

Libby responds, “But then some poor girl gets stuck with a man who’s just pretending.”

I emphatically shake my head. “No, not like that. We’d want them to be their authentic selves but simply a better version. Teach them how to be more thoughtful. How to cater to their woman’s needs.” I look at JoJo. “Like when you knew our coffee preferences this morning. I dated Aiden for years, and he was still clueless about how I take my coffee. And I order the same damn thing every time.”

Libby pinches her eyebrows together. “Sooo, you want to help men learn their woman’s coffee orders?”

I sigh. They’re not taking me seriously. “Among other things. I think there are a lot of good men out there, but some are clueless about a lot of things. But they wouldn’t be if they would justpay attentionto their woman’s needs. We could give them the tools they need to do that. To read verbal and non-verbal clues.”

JoJo’s entire face lights up. “You know, that might actually work. It’s definitely an untapped market with lots of potential.”

I see Ava deep in thought before something occurs to her. “Ooh, I have a friend who reads my books with her boyfriend. She said their relationship has really improved a lot since they started, and not just in the bedroom. She thinks it inspired him or something.”

Libby suggests using our romance books as marketing manuals, but I shake my head. “Not exactly what I was thinking. We should provide an actual service to clients who are interested.”

She asks, “And charge people for it?”

I see in JoJo’s face that she now understands what I’m getting at. “Yeah, I imagine a lot of women would enroll their boyfriends in the…what would it be? An online course?”

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