Page 9 of Faking the Book Boyfriend

Layton’s face brightens. “What about a plumber?”

Cheetah nods. “Yes, you can unclog her pipes.”

I consider it for a moment. “That might work. Now google plumbers in Philly named Trey, just in case she googles me. Preferably a last name that starts with D.”

Cheetah fumbles on his phone for a minute. “There’s a Trey Donatucci’s Plumbing company.”

I smile. “Perfect. Trey Donatucci it is.”

He continues to input my information. “Hobbies?”

“Writefootball, both playing and watching.” They may not get the Tami Maida reference, but I do.

“Okay. What about a personal statement of why they should consider working with you?”

I grab his phone. “I’ll type it.”

I spend a few minutes doing so before he reads it with a smile. “That’s perfect. Now we need two pictures. They want one that shows your physical appearance and another that shows your personality.” He glances at me with a confused look on his face. “A picture that shows your personality?”

I shrug. “Maybe a funny photo or one of me doing a hobby?”

“If she sees your photo, she may know who you are.”

“I don’t think my face is as recognizable as Lancaster’s outside of New York, especially for a woman from Philly.” I rub my scruff. “And I have more facial hair than I normally do.”

Our team owner forbids facial hair during the season, but we’re in the off-season now and I can do what I want.

The waiter comes by and asks if we need drink refills. Tanner answers that we do. An idea occurs to me. I look up atthe waiter. “Hey man, do you have a hat and sunglasses I can borrow?”

His face lights up with excitement. “I have a Bombers hat, Mr. DePaul.”

“Anything but Bombers. A football team would be perfect. Or a knit hat would be even better. Not a baseball cap.”

His face falls. “Give me a minute. I’ll see what I can come up with from the employee locker room.”

“Thank you. And I’d be happy to sign your Bombers hat if you’d like.”

He grins like he just won the lottery. “I would be honored. Thank you, sir.”

After a brief hat signing and a few photos, I’m wearing a knit hat and sunglasses. Cheetah takes a picture of my profile, not from the front, just in case.

He looks down at his phone. “Damn, Trey, you’re a hottie. Don’t worry, you can’t make out the butthole in your chin.”

Layton and Tanner once again burst out in laughter. They all love to make fun of my chin dimple.

I roll my eyes. “Now I need a personality photo. Any ideas?”

We all think as our steaks are served and we begin to slice into the juicy goodness. Cheetah chews but I can tell he’s thinking long and hard about it.

“Ooh. I have an idea. Trey, stand and bend over.”

“No, I will not bend over for you.”

“Just do it. It will be funny.”

I stand in my black jeans and sweater and then turn around. I bend over slightly, and he snaps a photo.

After sitting back down, I see him typing furiously on his phone. I motion my hand toward it. “What did you write?”

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