Page 59 of Regrets

“Don’t do this, Linc.”

I kiss her softly, holding back and not fucking her mouth with my tongue and instead savoring the sweetness of the kiss for a moment and feel her kiss me back, her fingers threading through my hair.

“Do you, P?”

Her grip goes tighter as she yanks my head back slightly. Her eyes open, meeting mine. “I know you’re not him.”

I glare down at her, unable to hide the fury. “But you wish I was.”

“I wish he were still alive, but I don’t expect you to be him. You could never be him, Linc.”

I push off the bench and walk to the edge of the balcony. I hear her shift on the bench but stay there.

“You’re right. You look similar, but you’ve never been the same. I don’t live in some fantasy that I can turn you into him.”

I look out at the water below and hear her start to cry, the sound gutting me. But I don’t run to her. I don’t sit next to her and stroke her hair to offer comfort.

Because I’m nothing like him.

And I know if she could, she’d gladly offer me in trade.

31

PENELOPE

Iavoided Linc all day today after leaving him on the balcony last night. I hate what he did to me, but I get it. I’m sure he thinks that’s what I do every time we have sex—try to make him Colt, but it’s not true.

When I have sex with Linc, I know exactly who’s fucking me.

I don’t want him to be Colt.

I stare out at the water as I sit on the dock, my heart aching in my chest with each ripple forming in the water.

What the hell were you thinking?

I hear someone walk up behind me as I let my feet dangle in the water, and I know it’s Linc even before he sits down next to me.

And I’m incredibly tired for being only nineteen years old.

“I blamed you, but the truth is, it was all on me. I did this.”

Neither one of us look at the other one, our eyes drifting over the water of the lake.

“You all were happy.” I shrug my shoulders. “Bored maybe, but happy. You all loved each other so much. Then I came along,” I swallow, trying to wet my dry throat and fight the sobbing that wants to come, “and fell in love with both of you.”

I’ve never admitted that out loud before. I turn to look at his handsome profile, his eyes dark and focused on the water, his face stern and cold, his body still and tense. I see him take a deep breath as if it’s a struggle, but still he doesn’t say a word.

“Now, we can never go back. And it’s all my fault.” I take a deep breath and gather all the courage I can, but I can’t look at him as I turn back to the lake. “I broke up with him that night.”

Now he turns to look at me and he speaks, “You told him about us?”

I shake my head, still unable to look at him. “No. I couldn’t do that. I knew you’d never come back from that, but I couldn’t take the guilt of what I’d done. You were right, he wanted to have sex that night, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you and what we did in that house. I couldn’t handle his touch. It all felt so wrong.” I look over my shoulder at the lake house and then back out at the water.

Linc is processing my words. “It’s still not your fault.”

“You didn’t see his face, Linc. He was so upset and lost. Broken. He didn’t understand why I was ending it, and I couldn’t tell him.”

He’s still looking at me. “He was a grown man. I fucking hate it, all of it. But he made that choice. I really hate that I wasn’t there, P. But he made the decision to go on that boat in the middle of the night.”

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