Page 50 of Regrets

I release her and rinse off before climbing out of the shower, wanting to hit something or run to the lake.

Because she’s right.

I wasn’t fucking there.

26

LINC

ONE YEAR AGO

“You really aren’t going?”

I hate how disappointed my brother sounds. I know it’s really fucking hard for him to understand that I won’t be joining the family this time. It’s been a long-standing tradition. The day after school lets out, we go to the lake house as a family.

P and Colt graduated last week, and Asher’s last day of his sophomore year was today. Lola is back from college, and she’s going.

I shake my head as I watch him pack his clothes into his black duffle. “Nah. I can’t do the happy family bullshit anymore.”

He looks disappointed as he sits on the edge of the bed. “It means a lot to Mom.”

I scoff and shake my head, crossing my arms as I lean against the doorway to his room. “Yeah, that’s because it’s the one time of the year Dad pretends to give a shit.”

He winces, and I almost feel bad, but it’s true.

He’s been different the last few weeks, and it started before prom. I have no idea what’s going on with my little brother, and it bugs the hell out of me.

I guess I’ve been different since prom too. I haven’t been around much. I can’t watch P and him, the perfect fucking couple.

Knowing I’ve been inside her and he hasn’t. And yet somehow, they’re the ones in love.

I walk into his room and sit next to him. He’ll always be my brother first. “You and P okay?”

He turns to look at me curiously. “Why do you ask that?”

I shrug, trying to seem casual. “I don’t know. She seem upset on prom night.”

“Yeah.” He runs his hand through his hair, looking tortured and so unlike himself. “I guess maybe I’m tired of the façade too.”

“What’s that mean?”

He tries to shake it off. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

I grasp the back of his neck and force him to look at me. “You don’t have to be who they want you to be.”

He swallows, his face full of sorrow, sending a sick feeling through me. “We’re brothers, no matter what, right?”

I stare at him, hating the look on his face. The worry. That’s not Colt. He’s always calm and optimistic, but there’s a darkness there. “That’s a fucking weird thing to ask.”

“It’s just nice to hear it sometimes.”

I study him and then nod my head slowly, still holding his neck with my hand. “We are brothers, no matter what.”

He looks slightly relieved by that, but I know there’s something under the surface. “Good because, to me, nothing is unforgiveable.”

I stare into his light blue eyes and try to decipher what the fuck he’s talking about.Does he know I fucked Penelope?

Would he be this fucking calm if he did?

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