Page 51 of Devoted Enough

She rolled her eyes. “Other things? As in?”

“Does it matter? None of them meant a damn thing to me.”

“You didn’t sleep with Callie that night at the wall party?”

“I don’t know a Callie, Haven. And what the hell is a wall party?”

“It was the night Michael Mathews was coming onto me, and I guess we argued because you said I was drunk, and Josh drove me home. Josephine said you took Callie back to your truck, and she said you two had sex.”

“You’re talking about something that happened in high school?”

“Yes!” she cried out. “Why could you take a stranger to your truck to have sex, but you couldn’t with me? What is so wrong with me that you can’t even stand to be near me?”

My resolve broke, and I marched over to her. I gently put my hands on her upper arms.

“I didn’t sleep with her, Haven. Nothing happened. I wanted something to happen because I wanted to forget about seeing that asshole put his hands on you. But I couldn’t because it wasn’t you. She. Wasn’t. You.”

She took a step back, her eyes widened in shock. “What do you mean?”

“Do you know how many fucking times I’ve closed my eyes when I’ve been with a woman and dreamed it was you I was with? Every single time a woman has ever touched me, it’s always been you.”

She sucked in a breath of air as I moved closer to her.

“The number of times I’ve taken myself in my hands and come to your name falling off my lips? Too many times to even count. And it was always you.”

Haven slowly shook her head as she took a few steps back, causing me to let her go. I moved forward, my heart pounding so loudly in my ears I could hardly think.

“It’s always been you, Haven. And this feeling I feel.” My hand slammed against my chest. “It just grows, and something happens when I see you. That night in the barn, touching you and kissing you made me feel something I had never felt before, and it scared the living shit out of me.Youscare me, Haven. The only reason I stopped was because I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you, ever. That day, seeing what your father did to you—what he was about to do to you—it broke me, and I know it broke you. I am terrified to hurt you because you deserve someone so much better than me, Haven. You deserve the world, and I never want to see you hurt again.”

Her mouth opened and then quickly closed.

I started to pace again. “This feeling I get when I’m near you…it fucking scares me because it grows stronger every time, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold off. I want you so much, but you have no idea how worried I am that I’ll fuck it up and hurt you. You are the last person in this world I would ever want to hurt. I’ll burn it all down before I—or anyone else, for that matter—has a chance to hurt you again.”

“I scare you?” she softly asked.

Turning to face her, my breath caught in my throat as I looked at those big grayish-blue eyes so wide they nearly made my knees buckle.

“Yes. I’m terrified, Haven.”

She slowly turned away from me and sat down on the loveseat. “Is that what you were going to tell me that morning at your house?”

I nodded. “Yes, but Ted the douche showed up.”

Haven clasped her hands together and momentarily looked down at her lap before looking back up at me. She stood and walked around the sofa to stand inches away from me. I balled my fists together to keep from reaching out and pulling her to me. What I had with her was magnetic, instinctual. I had no control over it.

“So all these years, you pushed me away because you were worried you would hurt me? I get feeling this way about someone is scary and confusing; trust me, I’ve sat in my room plenty of nights and cried over you. Wondering why I was so drawn to you. Why you seemed to hate me.”

My eyes closed. “God, no, Haven. I was trying to push you away after that night in the barn. I would have made love to you then, but you had been hurt so badly, and I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing or not.”

“You didn’t stop because of what he did to me?”

“No! Haven, I swear to you that wasn’t the reason at all.”

I sighed and dropped my head back. I wasn’t sure if I was making things worse or not. “This isn’t what I wanted.”

She let out a humorless laugh. “My God, Nate. What in the hell do you want? I’m confused.”

“I want you, Haven!” I shouted. “It’s all I’ve ever fucking wanted. You.”

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