Page 101 of A Whole New Trick

No matter what Dad says, it’s obvious he still struggles with the loss of his dream career in the NHL, even after all this time.

That doesn’t mean he didn’t step up and choose another career to support his family. In no way has he wallowed in misery at the expense of living a full life. But powering through loss and moving on are not the same thing.

I suspected that dating Dane would bring up uncomfortable memories and feelings for my dad, but when he mentioned going to a game, I thought I was wrong. I was eager for my family to join me in cheering my boyfriend on during such a monumental time in his career.

At least my brothers are here.

“Speaking of Mom,” Matthew changes the subject, glancing at the ice when the players skate through the openings behind their respective nets, heading to the locker room for last-minute strategy conversations. “Things seem tense between you guys.”

I inhale through my nostrils as the memory of my latest phone conversation with Mom plays in my head. “Yeah… that’s my fault.”

“What happened?”

“I called her the other day,” I confess, crossing my arms and staring at the Ranchers staff rolling out a carpet to prepare for the national anthem. “I invited her to a strength and conditioning class at a studio in Rose Hill that Carlee told me about, but she turned me down.”

Matthew tilts his head to the side. “And… that made you mad?”

“I’m not mad she said no,” I say. “I’m mad because of the reason she gave.”

“What was her reason?”

I’ve never talked to my brothers about this, but I have to believe they aren’t blind to what I’ve seen and heard my entire life.

“Have you noticed how Mom talks about herself?” I ask. “How she talks about her body?”

His forehead furrows. “You mean how she’s obsessed with dieting?”

Relief floods my chest. “Yes. And the toxic view she has about ‘earning’ her meals and her desire to remain as thin as a ballet dancer even though that’s not healthy for a woman of her age and activity level.”

Matthew grimaces. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

“That’s what made me mad,” I confess. “Mom constantly talks badly about her body. Growing up, it was a struggle notto internalize the same negative thoughts about my own body. I hate that she doesn’t love herself and that she refuses to go to a great workout class because she doesn’t ‘want to get bulky’ even though she encourages me to go in the same breath.”

The frustration I felt at the double standard resurfaces. I take deep breaths to get my emotions under control.

“I can see how that would be frustrating,” Matthew says.

“You shouldn’t take Mom’s words personally,” Miles joins the conversation. I turn my back to the glass and face my three brothers, who form a semicircle around me. “You know she’s proud of you and your athletic accomplishments.”

“But I get how it could be hard to believe when she says things to contradict that,” Mason tacks on.

My shoulders fall. “Yeah. It is.”

It feels good to have my feelings heard and validated, especially by my brothers, who grew up in the same house and witnessed the same things I did.

“What’s worse is knowing I’m not the only woman who’s had to fight against twisted body image ideals and toxic diet culture. Even my college teammates struggled with the concept of eating enough food to be able to achieve their peak athletic performance.”

“Why don’t you do something about it?”

I blink at Miles. “What?”

“You’re a nutritionist and an athlete,” he says, looking at our brothers for support. “Couldn’t you… I don’t know… create a platform to discuss the importance of nutrition for female athletes? Talk about the science behind it and stuff like that?”

“Or maybe a business,” Mason suggests.

“I bet there’s a market for it,” Matthew adds. “If you know how to find it.”

I look between my brothers, touched by their support. “Dane suggested something similar,” I tell them.

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