Page 82 of Fight

Not a fan of the way her voice trails off, I swallow. “But?”

“But we are two damaged people. If we’re going to make this work, we need to ensure we’re in a position to take care of ourselves before we can take care of someone else. How can we expect to have a healthy relationship if we aren’t confronting our own issues?”

Except that everything feels effortless between us. We had a rocky start, but once we came clean about our pasts, it was obvious we have something good here. Shit, this is not how I thought this would go, and I didn’t anticipate it would hurt this much.

“From where I stand, we’ve got potential for a future. Don’t you think that’s still worth exploring? Even if we’re imperfect?” I ask.

“You yourself said it’s horrible to watch someone else hurt without being able to fix it. Don’t ask me to do that. What you have going on may not be one hundred percent curable, but you still have to process it. If you don’t, it will fester and eat you alive. Sometimes, the only way to do that is to cut into the pain and let it bleed out so you can heal.”

“It’s not that easy?—”

“No, it’s not. It’s fuckinghard! I walked away from everything I’ve ever known for a chance at happiness, meaningfulrelationships, and finding myself. That was noteasy. I still have a lot to work through, but I’m determined to do it.” She takes a deep breath. “It wasn’t my plan to meet someone like you so soon. I’m not sure I’m ready for it, considering I have zero experience, but the way you make me feel, the things you do to me…” An exhale escapes her lips. “You’re like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I’malivewith you. Callahan, I like you. A lot. And I like who I am with you, but…”

Her palm is scorching through my shirt, and she finds a way to nuzzle deeper into my shoulder. Five minutes ago, it would have been comforting, but now it feels like pity. The twinge of rejection is hot in my chest while I wait for her to continue.

“We’re facing our own battles. I won’t stand by and watch you lose yours because you decided it isn’t worth the energy. I need to know you’ll fight for yourself. If you want to do this, I promise you won’t do it alone. I’ll be at your side the whole time, even when it gets ugly.”

Hope blooms in my chest for us,it’s not a no…

She tips her chin up and kisses me before adding, “If I stay, I need to know you won’t leave once I’m there.”

Her words are like a balm, soothing my frustration and dousing the flames of rejection licking at my skin. My hand plunges into her hair, and my mouth claims hers deeper than before. This is a new beginning.

“I’m not leaving,” I say against her lips.

She jabs her fingers to my chest and pushes me away far enough to pause our kiss.

“If we do this, then we’re doing it. I want you to find somebody who can help you manage your symptoms. Don’t make empty promises you can’t keep. I’ve got my own issues, I’ll be finding someone too.”

“Okay.” I agree. “And when that can of worms is opened and things get hard?”

“When things get hard, don’t pull away from me. Stay and fight, Callahan.”

Pressing a kiss to her temple, I roll on my back, hauling her with me so she’s laying on my chest. The way her warm, soft skin feels against mine is pure bliss. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

For taking a chance on us. For giving me something to work toward. For making me feel safe for the first time in a long time.

“For giving a damn.”

The reflection of fire in the wood stove window flickers and dances on the walls while I bring her to my mouth and take her lips. The acute realization that she may be the last woman I ever kiss hits me... It’s strange how you can have your heart locked up for years, then out of nowhere the right person comes along and it’s like they know the exact combination to open up everything about you and make you want somethingmore.

Her small gasps and sighs while I kiss her make me feral. My palms bracket her waist as she straddles me. I would move mountains to keep us like this, but I can’t help but have some doubt.

What if I’m unable to get my problems under control? If I don’t improve, will I still be enough for her? The last time I had a therapy session, it had Molly and I yelling at each other by the end of the night. I don’t want to experience that with Scottie. Not after we’ve gotten this close and come this far. Heat rushes up my neck, and my arms tense, panic clawing at me. It’s stifling, my whooshing pulse echoes in my ears while I fight with everything I have to stay in the moment with her.

I can’t believe this is happening again. Fuck! It’s like the vulnerability of opening up to her is unlocking all this other shit too. I can’t keep up. This is exactly what I was worried about. My shoulders stiffen, and our kiss comes to a halt. I inhale slowly, trying to stave off another panic attack. The more I tell myself to stop thinking negative thoughts, the more I focus onthem. It’s like tunnel vision. Scottie straightens, looking down on me.

Fuck, she’s stunning.She deserves better. Someone who can give her more.

Her hands find mine, and she brings them to her breasts, kneading my fingers. “It’s okay, Cal… Just watch, okay? Focus on my voice.”

I repeat her words in my mind until I’m able to really hear them.Focus on her voice.

“Squeeze my nipples.” Her hands lead mine. She rolls her hips. “Do you feel how wet I am?” Her bare pussy glides over my cock, slick and warm.

“Yeah.” I nod.She’s trying to ground me.

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