Page 55 of Visions of Darkness

Thankful I had another to live, even though I felt the sharp sting of devastation that Pax had never shown.

It was hard, not knowing whether he was okay. Where he was. What had happened after I’d been awakened two nights ago.

It didn’t help that Ellis had been distraught when I asked for Pax.

But the only thing I could do was press on.

Today had been much like yesterday.

Structured.

Breakfast, recess, then art therapy.

The only difference was that today my mother had come to visit. She’d cried the entire time. Again and again, she’d told me she wished it didn’t have to be this way.

I’d told her I wished it didn’t, either.

I’d hugged her fiercely before I whispered goodbye, sorrow splitting me in two at the thought that it might be the last time I would see her.

Dr. Perry had picked around in the recesses of my mind for more information. Asking for details hidden in my drawings, as if all my secrets were concealed in the brushstrokes of my hand.

I’d cried openly when she informed me that they would be transferring me to the adult facilities tomorrow.

I would be held involuntarily, deemed a suicide risk.

I’d considered telling her of the man who’d sneaked into my room, my fear that he’d been sent to kill me, but I knew she would think it only a ploy.

A manipulation.

The only good thing to come of this was that Jenny would be discharged tomorrow.

She was happy and seemed well.

For a time, her demons were purged, and I prayed it would afford her time enough to build a new foundation. For her to fortify her spirit against the attacks, the war few knew was waged on their hearts and minds.

By evening, the hope of this morning had bled away, replaced by a suffocating despondency.

“What’s up with you tonight? Are you sad I’m leaving tomorrow?” Jenny gave me one of her overaffected pouts that were completely genuine from where she sat beside me at the long table as we ate dinner. “Tell me you’re going to miss me.”

“I am absolutely going to miss you,” I admitted. So much that the words cracked in my throat.

“What are you going to do without me?” She jostled her shoulder into mine, going for a tease as she tried to keep the emotion at bay. Torn between this friendship we’d found and her thrill that she was getting out of this place.

“Eat all your Snack Packs, I guess.” I forced a giant grin.

She cracked up.

It sounded like music.

“I’ll tell the kitchen they have your name on them. Deal?” She squeezed my hand.

“Deal,” I returned.

She tugged on my hand a little, her voice thickening. “I really hope we can keep in touch after this.”

“I do, too.” My words were soggy, unable to shake the melancholy that sank into my bones.

So heavy I wanted to weep.

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