Page 77 of Wings Above the Mallee

‘Will Ethan stay in town or move in with you?’ Heath asked. Before Sean had a chance to soften the question he was sure would come across as judgemental, Heath pointed to the hallway. ‘Time I got around to unpacking some of those boxes from the spare room. You’d have plenty of space for the two of you.’

Charlee chewed on her lip. ‘He’ll stay in the city. Anyway, you know we’re not really a thing, right? I was just shit-stirring you.’ She refused to meet either of their eyes, and Sean realised that Charlee was ashamed of her deliberately provocative deception. The fact that she now had that level of realisation, of caring, was nothing short of a miracle. Hell, he hoped Heath wouldn’t blow it by overreacting.

Heath stood, putting his mug in the sink. ‘No worries.’ He sounded so casual, it was almost like he’d already known about Ethan. ‘Speaking of accommodation, you going to come and check out those stables? It’s almost spring, so if you’re planning on picking up lambs and calves and whatever else, we’d best get ready.’

‘Amelia and I decided we need a cria first.’

Heath looked like he shared Sean’s confusion. ‘What’s that, some kind of animal trailer?’ he asked when Heath didn’t.

‘No. But Amelia’s picking up a float this weekend. Did you know she has an articulated vehicle licence? Anyway, a cria is a baby alpaca,’ Charlee said, with all the satisfied confidence of someone who’d recently learned the name. ‘Eventually, it’ll be able to protect our livestock. That’s what they’re bred for.’

‘Actually, I had some thoughts around that matter myself,’ Heath said. ‘Which reminds me, could you give me a lift this afternoon, Dad?’

‘Sure. I’ve got an appointment at three, but either side will work fine. Where to?’

‘I’ve got to ring for the address, but it’s local. Appointment where?’ Heath asked suspiciously.

Both of them knew that the only place in town that required appointments was the doctor’s, so there was no way Sean could fudge it. ‘Just calling by Taylor’s to pick up some results.’

Heath started to protest, to question, but Sean shook his head, lifting his chin toward Charlee; they couldn’t risk upsetting her. Tonight, when he had the final details and could sound confident and assured, would be more than soon enough to share. ‘Let’s go look at those sheds, then. Not like either of you have aleidwhat it is you’re checking, right?’ Like Charlee, he needed the distraction—but for once, it wasn’tto keep him away from the bottle. No, this next battle would be even bigger than that.

He stood and led his little family outside into the watery sunshine that promised spring wasn’t far off.

‘I reckon Mum would have liked it here,’ Charlee murmured an hour later, as they hung over the iron rails of the gate, gazing into the soothing murkiness of the barn.

‘You do?’ Sean said in surprise. Sophie had been all about beautifully presented rooms, stark white lines and perfectly arranged flowers. He couldn’t imagine her here, where the darkness smelled faintly of sweet hay rather than expensive triple-fragranced candles, and the only artwork was hung by spiders.

Heath caught his eye and shook his head slightly. He knew it was no place for Sophie, either. But, understandably, Charlee still needed to feel that her mum was nearby. How was that going to work with Amelia in their lives?

As though she read his thoughts, Charlee screwed up her face. ‘No, Mum would have hated it here.’ She chewed a nail, frowning. ‘That’s what’s making this whole thing so hard.’

‘What whole thing?’ Sean prompted.

‘Living somewhere else. The farm nursery. Just … everything. I feel like if I don’t mentally include Mum, it’s … I don’t know … disloyal, I guess. Like I’ve forgotten about her, or shoved aside her memory so I can do what I want without feeling guilty. And what makes it worse is that I know if she’d been here, then we wouldn’t have this.’ She gestured at the reassuring solidness of the more than century-old structure, the weathered beams atop eighteen-inch-thickwalls wired to a roof of rusted iron sheets star-pricked with daylight. ‘No animal nursery. No Settlers Bridge. No Amelia. And the thought of that is horrible. Yet if I had to trade all of that to have Mum back—’ she bit her lip so hard it turned white and Sean clenched his hands, knowing what it felt like to make wishes that could never come true ‘—I don’t know if I would.’ Charlee dropped one foot heavily from the gate and slumped onto the top rail despondently.

Sean struggled not to let his chin hit the floor. He was wrong. He’d had no idea what his granddaughter was wishing.

Charlee groaned. ‘No, that’s stupid. Of course I would. But I don’t get to make the choice.’

‘Sometimes it’s better that way, Charlee,’ Heath said softly. ‘Sometimes the choice is so impossible that we freeze, make no choice, and lose everything. It takes an unbelievable amount of courage to make a choice, whether it turns out to be right or wrong.’

‘But if you don’t get to live with the consequences, what was the point of even making that choice?’

‘I don’t know, Charlee. I don’t have all the answers for you. Or for me. All I know is that, thanks to Mum, I still have you.’ Heath draped an arm around Charlee’s shoulders. ‘And I still have her. Because that’s what family is. Not a constant. Not a lifelong gift. Always fluctuating. Tenuous. A shimmer like the aurora. But, above all, family, whether chosen or blood, is love. And that’s what Mum gave us: the chance to go on living and loving.’

Sean’s breath caught in his throat. His news tonight would destroy the hard-won peace Heath finally seemed to have found.

‘But it hurts, Dad.’

‘I know. It does.’ Heath’s arm tightened around Charlee’s shoulders. ‘But maybe instead of thinking how hard it isto have lost Mum, think about how lucky you were—we were—that we had someone worth mourning. Lots of people never have that.’

‘I’d rather be a bit less lucky,’ Charlee said.

Sean’s gaze was fixed on his son. What miracle had happened that Heath had finally realised that with love came tragedy, but that he didn’t have to remain in that moment forever? He suspected the miracle had a name, and he owed her a debt he’d never be able to repay. Well, he’d never have the opportunity to repay it; but the timing of Heath’s epiphany couldn’t have been better.

‘So, what are you thinking of keeping in the barn?’ he asked.

‘Like Dad said, it’d be unfair to turn the retired animals out into the paddocks without any human contact. But I was thinking, maybe this barn could be like a food hall?’

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