Page 67 of Wings Above the Mallee

Sean pulled out a pocketknife to slit the thread on the top of the sack. ‘Too much potassium in the greens. It blocksmineral absorption.’ He snorted. ‘Bit like too much alcohol blocks anything good.’

His tone shook Heath. Sean rarely referenced his addiction, and only if he was feeling down. That, combined with the distinct impression Sean had been skirting around something earlier in the week, prickled foreboding along Heath’s spine.

‘Maybe don’t start carting sheep along with you to AA.’ His forced humour was a coward’s deflection, but he had so few other weapons at his disposal. He had neither right nor ability to counsel his father—or Charlee—over whatever this latest round of problems was. Not when he so barely had his own head above water. Amelia, though … if anyone had an idea of how to help his family, it would be her. And she and Sean were thick as thieves, so there’d be a good chance she’d know what had got his father offside.

‘Fair call,’ Sean said cheerfully, and Heath wondered if he was imagining issues where none existed. ‘I’m going past Lynnie’s to have her check if the gear Tracey got for the fundraiser meets the mark. It passed muster with Charlee, but she’s far more confident that she knows what’s needed than I am. I’m worried I’m going to look like a totalleathcheann. I assume Charlee got Tracey to sort you something, too?’

‘What are you on about?’

Sean hefted the grain sack with a grunt, balancing it to tip into the chook feeder. ‘Tuesday afternoon. Not that the getup is needed for practice, but I’m hoping boots and a hat will distract from the evidence that I don’t know my grapevine from a step touch, regardless of how loud Charlee yells directions at me.’

Heath helped steady the sack, which his father seemed to have more trouble handling than usual. ‘Dad, you’ve completely lost me.’

Sean pinched the open lip of the sack to stop the flow of grain into the steel feeder as a tiny mouse scurried to safety from the golden avalanche. Then he set the half-empty sack back on the ground. ‘The fundraiser. Charlee didn’t mention the practice sessions?’

‘Practice?’

A mischievous twinkle lit his father’s eyes. ‘You’re not going to tell me you already know how to line dance, lad?’

Heath’s blood ran a little cold. ‘Line dance? That’s what we’ve bought the tickets for?’ His father’s words started to slot together like some nightmarish jigsaw. ‘Just to watch, right?’

‘The littlestriapach,’ Sean chuckled. ‘Charlee said she’d sort a partner for Amelia.’

‘Oh, hell, no.’

Sean manhandled the sack into the storage shed, shifting one corner at a time to walk it across the ground rather than lift it, though it was only part full. ‘Seems to me she’s saved you some trouble.’

‘Meaning?’

The blustery wind caught the galvanised door, flinging it back on its hinges. ‘Meaning, nowyoudon’t have to ask Amelia out. Though it’d still be better if you did.’

Heath’s feet felt rooted to the earth. ‘You know I can’t.’

‘Why not?’

‘Sophie—’

‘—is dead, son.’ Sean turned to him, his expression bleak. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve tried to gentle you through this, but now there’s not enough time for me to beat around the bush. Heath, you’ve been putting that woman up on a pedestal and crushing yourself under the weight for more than long enough. You loved her—we all loved her. Yet you have to accept that she’s dead, and you’re not. It’s time you moved on.’

‘How the hell can I?’

‘How the hell can younot?’ Despite his words, Sean’s tone was disturbingly reasonable. ‘You expect Charlee to get over the tragedy and make something of her life, don’t you? Well, how about you set her an example?’

Every fibre of Heath’s being demanded he reject his father’s words. ‘It’s not the same thing, and you know it. Jesus, you grieved Jill and you weren’t even married to her anymore. I’ve had my life—I don’t need anything else. And even if I did, how am I supposed to throw my memories of Sophie aside?’

‘You don’t. No one said anything about throwing away your memories. You’re not replacing her.’ Sean leaned against the shed, looking suddenly tired. ‘Her loss will always be with you, as is mine. But you learn to live with it. Alongside it. It becomes part of you, but it doesn’t define you. You can’t allow it to, because Sophie won’t be the last person you lose.’

His father’s words were ominous, but Heath couldn’t take time to process, to look for hidden meaning. ‘I’m forty-five, Dad. I no longer have a career, direction, motivation. Barely have a family. I’m done. Sophie was the best of me, and you know it.’

‘No.’ Sean pushed away from the wall and began loading salt licks into the wheelbarrow. ‘You and Sophie made a decent teamtogether. You complemented each other. But that’s irrelevant, because it’s the past. You have to look to the future. I’m not saying you need to hit the dating apps or anything, but you do need to build up a network. I’m not always going to be around; you have to find company other than me, other than Charlee. I figured the RAG team would be a start, but I’ve noticed you can’t be arsed seeing any of them outside of the meeting.’

The salt block Heath tossed into the barrow shattered into crystal shards. ‘Jesus, Dad, I don’t need you organising play dates for me! I only joined the RAG to get you off my back. I’m not about to pop over to the CWA for scones and tea, or hang out at the pub for a beer with the local cockies.’

‘Can’t see why not. They’re good folk around here. They’ll give you a chance if you give them a chance. Well—’ Sean screwed up his face ‘—maybe steer clear of Dave Jaensch.’

‘I don’t have a damn thing in common with any of them, Dad, you know that. I don’t want their prying or their sympathy. I just want to be left alone.’ Scowling, Heath turned away from his father. He’d told Amelia that holding their grief close was important, but was his desire for solitude rooted in that or was he embracing it as a way of feeding the guilt he’d sworn to let go? Because the truth was, occasionally he was jealous of Sean’s easy rapport, his instant camaraderie with anyone he met; the fact that he knew everyone, knew their business, could walk down the street and greet literally each person by name.

‘Aye,’ Sean said, ‘andaloneis what you will be, if you don’t let go of your stubbornness and reach out. A bit of human contact. Even Charlee can see that’s what you need and she’s trying to help you as well as get through all her own shit.’

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