Page 64 of Wings Above the Mallee

Amelia had gritted her teeth the entire way through Gavin’s funeral service, determined not to cry. And she’d made an excuse not to attend the wake at the Keith pub. Witnessing other people’s grief was almost as bad as experiencing her own.

It wasn’t until she was seated in the aircraft with Heath again that Amelia felt she could take a deep breath and loosen the hold she had on her emotions just a little. And her tongue, apparently; there was something about Heath’s solid, pensive company that made sharing seem natural.

‘Thanks for coming with me. I know it can’t have been easy for you.’

Pain flashed across Heath’s face, and she winced at her tiny twinge of jealousy. He was clearly still very much in love with Sophie. He’d mentioned her three or four times during the seventy-minute flight from Settlers Bridge to Keith.

‘No problem,’ he said, buckling up. ‘Do you think Hannah will be all right?’

‘Keith will rally around her; it’s a tight community. And I guess she had time to prepare.’

Amelia focused on the radio chatter as she guided the plane down the runway. They lifted smoothly into the sky, the increasing pressure forcing her into the welcome embrace of her seat. For a second, she allowed herself to imagine Gavin was onboard, headed to the clouds layered above them, on his last flight. The thought brought her a little comfort; they’d both loved the endless freedom of the sky and now Gavin would forever have that.

The plane levelled out and she turned for home. ‘You came from Victoria, didn’t you?’

Heath nodded. ‘Just over the border.’

‘So why Settlers Bridge? What was the drawcard?’

‘It wasn’t Victoria.’ He clung to his dour silence for a while.

Amelia didn’t mind. She sensed he was like her, that Heath needed to order his thoughts before he shared them.

‘Dad lived in Adelaide, but after … after Sophie, he said he’d always wanted a few acres and maybe we could all benefit from a change. Found the property at Settlers Bridge.’ He shrugged. ‘Made no difference to me where we went. Though I did hope that moving Charlee away from the crowd she was hanging with would limit her access—’ His fists clenched on his lap and Amelia recalled the feeling of his hand in hers, the implicit strength, and how nice it had been, for those few seconds, to feel a human touch again.

It was clear that he believed he’d failed Charlee, despite uprooting his entire life in an attempt to protect his daughter.

‘Drugs are everywhere,’ she said. ‘Even out on the station we’d have problems with the odd rousie bringing stuff in. I guess the best parents can hope for is that if their kids use, they don’t abuse.’

‘Drugs are illegal. Any use is abuse.’

‘Technically correct. But being correct doesn’t make youright, you know? Kids are always going to be curious. Don’t you remember what that was like?’

‘Bit far back for me.’

She leaned to the side, looking down to check the location of the highway that would guide them back. ‘So maybe they experiment. That doesn’t mean the usehasto escalate. Not everyone gets addicted.’

‘But some do, and then welcome to a completely screwed life. They’ve lost their present and annihilated their future,’ Heath said. ‘Hell, they even rewrite their past.’ An agitated tic danced in his jaw.

‘Perhaps they’re just desperately seeking something to numb the pain. Maybe the drugs work, just the tiniest bit; and then they’re too terrified of life without them. Of having to feeleverything.’

Heath ran his tongue over his lip, the tension of his body seeming to suck the oxygen from the cabin. ‘Is that what Charlee said?’

The raw ache in his tone was almost enough to free the tears she’d held in check all morning. ‘She told me how close you two used to be. I can see that you feel her pain but do you think that maybe you’re just a little … jealous? Because she’s found a way to numb it, when you haven’t?’ It was dangerous suggesting that his disappointment in Charlee’s behaviour wasn’t entirely selfless, yet Amelia had to get him to at least consider the possibility. ‘Charlee’s choices are a product of her trauma, but Charlee is not a product of her choices. That’s still your little girl in there and she’s lost and hurting and needs you more now than she ever has.’

Heath dragged his thumb over the scar through his eyebrow. ‘I don’t know how to reach her. I can’t get throughto her. You’ve seen her: most days Charlee would rather talk to anyone but me.’

‘That’s because she loves you more than she loves anyone else. She can’t bring herself to face your disappointment. You can’t expect her to make a choice between you and the drugs when only one of those things takes her pain away.’

‘Then what the hell am I supposed to do? How can I compete with the drugs, when I’m the—ha,living—reminder of the cause of that pain?’

Amelia frowned at the endless sky, searching for a solution to Heath’s problem. Even if she couldn’t help herself, perhaps she could help save him. ‘Remember that you’re also the reminder—the keeper—of every one of Charlee’s good memories. You can’t let her lose touch with them. You have to be there for her, be open to her,allof the time, Heath.’ She took a tremulous breath. ‘I know it’s hard. I’ve chased people away myself, because I didn’t want to hear their pain, didn’t want to risk it adding to my own.’

‘Your parents?’ He risked a glance at her.

‘Them. And … my husband.’

‘You’re married?’

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