Page 35 of Someday Not Soon

It’s obvious that both of our minds are replaying snippets of last night as we lock eyes. His mouth on mine, my fingers tangled in his hair, nails scraping along the contours of his back. Our lips tracing every inch of each other. Him taking me from behind, my hair wrapped around his fist, spanking me exactly like I’d confessed was my favorite during our twenty questions game weeks before.

His hand slides onto my bare leg, his palm warm against my cool skin. Madi’s words falter as she catches the movement out of the corner of her eye. She attempts to play it off, but I can tell we’re now officially on her radar.

To save the situation, I quickly move my leg away from his touch. I nod my head in her direction when she’s not looking, raising my brows at him so he understands what I’m saying.Your sister. My best friend. She’s onto us.

He nudges my knee with his own. “I don’t care if she sees.”

“I do.” The words slip out before I can stop them, harsher than I intend, and I feel his body tense beside me. Trying to backtrack, I quickly add, “I just mean I haven’t talked to her about it—about us—yet.”

Tipping his head toward the kitchen, he gestures for me to follow. The dim light from the overhead fixture casts warm hues across the room, highlighting the well-worn wooden cabinets and the small vase of sunflowerson the counter. Once we’re out of earshot from Madi, he pulls me close, wrapping his arms around my waist as we step together. He leans back against the cool granite counter, our hips pressed together. The firm push of his body against mine is grounding, a silent reassurance.

He rests his chin on top of my head, his breath warm against my hair. His large hand slowly traces up and down my back, the motion both soothing and electric. “What do you want us to tell her?” he asks.

“I don’t know. Should we tell her? You’re leaving soon. I’m not exactly sure what will happen next.” My voice comes out strained, and I feel him flinch, like I’ve hit him with the harsh truth. My words sound more detached than I’d like them to be, but I don’t know how to do this—how to tell him that I want this, that I want him. That I think I love him.

I’ve spent my entire life hoping to be loved. And with him, I think I’ve found that. But a restless, insecure piece of myself is too scared to reach for it. Doubt hangs heavy in my chest that this has all only been some fling to him. How exactly do you fight for something when a lifetime of cold shoulders taught you to never expect more?

“Whatever you feel comfortable with, El.” His body grows stiff in my arms, like I’m hugging a handsome tree rooted in place. “I’m yours though, no matter the distance.”

I inhale deeply, trying to memorize every last detail before he leaves. His clean, crisp scent, comforting and familiar. His towering, broad-shouldered frame, like he could be a professional bodyguard or an NFL quarterback.The way his hands are constantly drawn to me, as if I’m his personal addiction. The look of sheer concentration and fascination on his face when he listens to those dull TED Talks he loves. And the way he looks at me, as if every silly, irrelevant thing I say truly matters to him.

I bury my face deeper into his body. “I like you, Jude.”

He breaks our embrace, cradling my face in his hands and tipping my chin up so our eyes lock. “I like you too. A whole fucking lot.”

Mesmerized, I watch as his thumb grazes my lips, a spark burning a trail beneath his touch. Then, slowly, he dips his head down, capturing my mouth with his. This kiss is different—deliberate, intense, as if he’s savoring every second, every breath. When I part my lips, he deepens it, his tongue meeting mine with a slow, all-consuming need. Each touch, each taste, sends a wave of wanting more through me, drawing us impossibly closer, as if the world could disappear and we’d still be here, lost in each other.

The sound of Madi’s voice on the phone grows closer, and reality crashes right back down on us. I quickly pull away from him as we exchange amused glances. His hair is a mess, my lips are puffy from kissing, and we’re both panting like we’ve run a marathon. We’re undoubtedly the most obvious secret.

He steps forward, calm and completely unfazed by the fact that his sister nearly caught us. “Do you want me to stay and we tell her together, or should I give you two some space?”

“I think it’s best if I talk to her alone.”

“Okay.” He kisses me softly on the lips. Simple, sweet, and perfect. “Good night, love.”

“Good night,” is all I manage to say, as the word “love” burns into my brain.

As they pass each other in the hall, Madi shoots her brother major side-eye as he ruffles her hair in response.

It’s better for our friendship that I tell her one-on-one. Of course it would be easier to let him do all the work and tell her the truth. But Madi has been my friend for years, and I owe it to her to come clean alone, without making it seem like I’m solely relying on her brother now.

Marching into the kitchen, she hops up onto the counter, crossing her arms like she’s bracing herself for the truth. “Care to tell me anything?”

“Actually, yeah. Although, I’m guessing you already have your suspicions.”

“I do, but I want to hear it from you.” She’s impossible to read. While she’s easygoing and sunny, she has a temper like a sudden summer storm, unpredictable and intense, that you don’t want to find yourself on the wrong side of.

“Your brother and I are…I don’t know what to even call it. But we’re together.”

“Is it only a fling or what?”

“To be honest, I have no idea.”

She’s quiet, and that silence immediately concerns me. My stomach drops, and a wave of guilt washes over me. Maybe I needed to ease her into this.

Trying to backtrack, I go with a half-truth. “It’s nothing serious. We’re having fun.” My heart pounds with thehope that what I’m saying isn’t true. Iwantit to be more. Iwantthis to be serious between him and I, but we’ve never outright said anything to make this official. It’s technically not a total lie.

“Nothing more?” she asks, crossing and recrossing her arms, her face in full lie detector mode, searching for any hint of bullshit.

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