Page 22 of Someday Not Soon

“Off, as in acting strange because the woman you’ve been in love with for the last ten years is here too.”

I give him a look, warning him to shut the hell up. But he simply stands there, crossing his arms and puffing out his chest as he waits for my answer. He totally knows I’ve been caught. Apparently, I’m not as good as I thought I was at hiding it.

“Fine. I can admit seeing her again has thrown me for a loop.”

He smiles smugly, proud of the fact that he’s read me correctly. “Thought so. And what are you going to do about it? Is she interested too?”

“I don’t think so. Her and your brother seem to be hitting it off.” I shrug, because there’s not much else I can say about the situation. Levi is Noah’s brother, so I can’t talk crap about him seeing as they’re related.

He scratches his beard in thought. “Well, shit. Want me to tell him to back off?”

Yes. More than anything I want to tell him to inform his brother that she is off-limits. But I can’t. She’s single, and free to do whatever she pleases—even if that fact does kill me on the inside—which is why I shake my head.

He slaps me on the back, full of pity. “Try not to worry too much. Ella’s a smart girl and will realize sooner than later that my brother’s a damn idiot.”

Even though he may be right, the reassurance doesn’t help in the slightest. Because I know even if they never do turn into anything more than playful flirting, I still have a zero percent chance of ever being with her.

I lost that right the moment I drove away to school without a word, leaving everything unfinished.

Chapter Twelve

Ella

Present

“To Madi and Noah!”we cheer, clinking an assortment of drinks together. Everyone has gathered in the living room as we raise our glasses to officially start the night.

Tonight, I’m determined to soak in every moment with my two best friends. My time back in my hometown is short, and these moments with them grow more fleeting as we all get older. But being the fifth wheel between their two couples only highlights how single I truly am.

While I found Delaney’s antics entertaining by trying to not so subtly point out that Jude and I were both single, it also sideswiped me with realization.

I live in Washington, he lives here in California. I’m a mess, composed of grief and anxiety, while he has a neat, perfect life. It’s almost a replica flashback from ten yearsago. I’m stuck in this dark tornado, never reaching a bright spot, always cycling back to that same life I always led—being alone.

We’re simply two people drawn together, but not cemented and rooted to weather what could be.

Levi’s fingers suddenly land on the bare skin of my open back dress, surprising me.

“Babe, this dress is making me lose my mind.” He grabs my hand, spinning me in a circle so he can see the full outfit—even though I’m fully aware he’s trying to get a good look at my ass. “Guess all those Pilates classes are paying off, huh?”

I should tell him right now I’m not interested. But this insistent need towantto move on eats away at me. I spin, my hand landing on his built chest as I stop. What Ishoulddo this weekend is sleep with him. He seems like he’s looking for no-strings-attached sex, which is all I’m ever able to offer anyone too. Because the only person who has ever made me feel an ounce of attachment is currently sitting at the mounted bar, nursing the same beer he opened over an hour ago. Probably still as emotionally unavailable as he was the day he left.

Levi’s calloused palm gropes my ass, yanking me out of my thoughts and slingshotting me back to reality. The way my skin crawls tells me everything I need to know—I could never actually go through with sleeping with him.

“Just say the word when you want to head upstairs,” he says, a little too loudly, no doubt so everyone can overhear.

Delaney walks by, probably taking notes of the festivitieslike she’s Lady Whistledown. I seize the opportunity, catapulting myself away from Levi and straight toward her. “I’ll be right back,” I shout over my shoulder to him.

Pulling Delaney off to the side, I lean in and whisper, “What the hell am I doing?”

“I don’t know. What are you doing? What’s going on?” she asks, arching one dark blonde eyebrow, her tone a mix of curiosity and concern.

“I can’t get on board with this whole Levi thing,” I sigh.

“Oh thank god. He looks like he probably doesn’t even know what a clitoris is. Why the sudden change of heart though?”

“Because…” I point my finger at her, narrowing my eyes. “You can’t tell a damn soul, okay? But it’s because of Jude. Being here, around him again—I think it makes me miss him.”

“Well, duh you like him,” she replies, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

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