Page 21 of Someday Not Soon

“No matter what, you need a break. No more laptops for you this weekend.”

From the linen-upholstered accent chair, Delaney eyes Ella and I, her gaze sharp and inquisitive. She looks like a detective on the verge of cracking a case, the way she’s studying the tension between us, a knowing smile spreading across her face.

“So, Jude…tell us, are you single?” Delaney asks, her tone lacking in subtlety.

It’s not audible, but I can feel the silent groan rolling off of Ella without even having to look in her direction.

“Yes, I am single. And why do you have that look on your face, Delaney?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.

“No reason,” she replies, smiling wide. “Just like to know my friends’ relationship status. In case I know of any potential suitors that may wish to inquire about you.”

Ella busts up laughing beside me. “Delaney, I think you’ve been watching too much Bridgerton.”

“Perhaps I have,” Delaney replies, picking an imaginary lint from her shirt and raising her head up high again. “And tell me, are you single as well, Ella?”

Aware that she’s now the focus of her friend’s interrogation, she narrows her eyes at Delaney. “You already know the answer to that. What’s your game here, girl?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing,” Delaney replies. “Levi had just cornered me earlier to make sure there wasn’t anything going on with someone else in the house. I think he thought there was a chance you were already taken.” Her eyes slide over to me as she says this, the implication hanging in the air.

The awkward tension in the room thickens. I’m absolutely guilty. Guilty of cockblocking Levi, sure, but more than that. I’m guilty of not wanting to let go of the past. Because letting go of the past means letting go of Ella, and I’m not ready to do that. Not yet.

“Well, I’m single. And I have no plans to change that anytime soon,” Ella sighs.

Raising her mug in her friend’s direction, Delaney says, “Final question, and then you’re off the hook. Would you even go for someone like Levi?”

I can’t help the way, my head whips to look at Ella as Iwait for her response. It’s none of my goddamn business and also the exact answer I’ve been dying to know.

Ella’s cheeks turn a rosy shade of pink. “He’s nice enough. A little pushy at times, but I think he has…potential?”

“Potential.” My sister almost spits out her coffee, cracking up. “You’re being way too generous. Potential for beer pong champion? Or driving us crazy? You know what, maybe both.”

Ella shakes her head, trying to hold in a laugh, but failing miserably. My stomach sinks as I absorb her answer—or rather, the lack of a definitive one—knowing that she’s still leaving the door cracked open for him. She could do so much better than him and I’m not sure if she’s even aware of it. I’m not sayingI amnecessarily better. But I do know I would try every damn day to make sure I was worthy of someone like her. Levi on the other hand has the IQ of a surfboard, and is probably more concerned with his online football draft than whether he’s ready to settle down.

From the couch, Ella pretends to look around the room. “Where’s Cole? I need to tell him you’re harassing me.”

Delaney shrugs, nonchalantly. “Eh, he won’t even be surprised.”

“Surprised about what?” Cole asks, walking into the room with Noah right beside him.

Delaney grins as she leans back into the chair. “Oh, you know, just pointing out how my two good friends here are both single. What are the odds, right?”

Cole’s eyes widen but he doesn’t say a damn word. He simply pulls his hat a little lower and keeps on walking like he’s got something important to do in the other room—like avoid this awkward as hell conversation.

If I believed all of Delaney’s pushing would work, that Ella and I would somehow find our way back to each other, I wouldn’t even mind. Instead, it’s only a glaring reminder that she’s moved on while I’m still stuck in the past, paying the price for my own mistakes.

From the back deck, I’m grilling burgers, beer in hand, staring out at the ocean. Inside, my sister and her best friends are hunched over the kitchen counter, cackling as they decorate a cake so lewd it would raise eyebrows anywhere but a bachelor-bachelorette party.

From my perch by the barbecue, I have to listen to Levi brag about how tonight is the night he’s going to bag Ella and ‘rock her world.’ It takes every ounce of my self-control to not shout at him to shut the fuck up. Or to spit in his burger—I can’t be sure which would be more fulfilling. Probably both.

I can see how he’s watching her like she’s a prize to be won. He has no emotional attachment, only a need to claim her. It feels like I’m sitting back, watching the entire scenario unfold from a third-person point of view. I have no right to want her as much as I do. Yet every bone in my body screams the opposite—that she is, and always has been, mine.

Someone slaps me on the back, breaking me from my trance. “How’s it going over here?” Noah asks, as he rounds the corner in nothing but board shorts and a WWE-style belt that readsBachelor Belt. The spectacle doesn’t come as the least bit surprising. While he looks prickly on the outside, with his dark beard and huge stature, he’s always the first to proudly sport some outlandish attire.

I put on my typical unbothered attitude. “It’s going well. Having fun.”

He narrows his eyes at me, disbelieving. “You sure about that? You seem off.”

“Off how?” I ask, with a touch of too much defensiveness.

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