Page 48 of Someday Not Soon

It’s a bad idea. Yet, at this moment I’m blind to all the reasons why we shouldn’t. She’s my sole focus, and the urge to kiss her is overwhelming.

I feel her nod, pressing her body harder against mine. By now she can feel the effect she has on me—the same irresistible pull she’s always had.

My lips capture hers, soft and gentle, searching for the spark that ignited us years ago. And it’s as if our bodies, lips, and souls never skipped a beat. She opens her mouth, and that hunger is instantly rekindled, a fire that had smoldered for a decade, now roaring back to life. My hand cups her cheek, pulling her as close as humanly possible. I’m focused on every point of contact between us, the way her body molds to mine, like someone crafted us to specifically fit each other. My knee, wedged betweenher legs, as she grinds her pelvis against the contact. Her hands, all over my body, as if she’s making sure I’m real and not some version of a dream.

My thumb skims along a small patch of skin on her waist, and all I want is more. I have a feeling that I could feel up every fucking square inch of her for hours and still never grow tired of it.

I can feel how wet she’s getting as she moves herself along me. I press my thigh harder into her, and feel her mouth fall open against mine with a breathy whimper. Apparently, I’m a glutton for punishment, because I’ll never get that sound out of my head so long as I live.

Her hand tries to push past my briefs, but I grab her delicate wrist to stop her. “El.”

“I want you, Jude,” she says, arching her back, pressing into me.

My mouth finds its way to her neck, and I’m addicted to the way she squirms under my touch, pressing herself against my leg.

With my body aching and my self-control fraying, I stop and press my forehead to hers. “Fuck, I’ve got to stop,” I say, my voice strained. “As much as I’d give anything to keep going, we need to talk first.”

She stiffens, and I can feel the shift in her breath. “Isn’t that usually code for breaking up?” she murmurs, her words light but tinged with a nervous edge, like she’s masking real fear with a joke.

Grabbing her hand, I place it back on my briefs that are straining against the world’s most painful erection.

“Do you feel how much I want you? There’s no goingback from that. This isn’t like that last summer. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it the right way, which is why we need to talk. The next time I fuck you, you’re going to be mine—only difference this time is I’m not letting you go.”

Without a word, I feel her finger trace the outline of the head of my cock, before she pulls her hand away with some sort of internal decision being made. Spinning back around, she nestles in against my chest, lying her cheek against my bicep.

With my lips against her head, I whisper into her hair. “I don’t think my heart could take being with you again only temporarily.”

She nods, understanding. “I get it. But Jude, I can’t help that I’m leaving.”

“I know, love. But I think we could still make it work.”

Taking my hand, she moves it across her body, so I’m holding her tight as if she’ll slip right out from under me. She opens and closes her mouth like she has more to say, but doesn’t let the words out.

“Tell me what you’re thinking. I can sense there’s more,” I tell her.

“I forgot that you know how to read me way too well,” she teases. “I was going to say that I want to be with you too. I don’t think I’ve everstoppedwanting to be with you. It’s just that the odds are stacked against us. Do you know of any long distance relationship that has ever thrived?”

I can’t think of even one. Out of everyone I know that has attempted one, their long distance relationships have failed miserably. Call me crazy, but I know we wouldn’tend that way. There’s this deep gut feeling that makes me confident we would be different from the rest.

“I’m not going to lie, I don’t know of any.” I kiss the top of her head. “But I do think we have the potential to be the exception.”

“But what exactly makes you so sure? You seem really confident about it, and I want to feel that way too.”

“Because I thought about you every day for ten long years without seeing you once. Because we’re both grown adults now, and miles better at communicating than we ever were. And because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It makes everything that came before feel insignificant.” I brush the hair back from her face, my lips grazing her temple. “You don’t have to decide right now. Just know, if you’re willing, I’m all in. Not just to keep messing around, but to make this real. To make it permanent.”

The offer is out there in the universe now. I don’t push her for an answer, but instead give her the space to mull it over. She’s never been the type to make rash decisions, and I respect that.

She turns to face me again, pressing her lips to mine. My hand instinctively finds her hip, and her fingers grasp the back of my neck, pulling me closer. “Thank you,” she breathes between kisses. For what, I’m not entirely sure. But whatever it is, I must have said something right, because instead of pulling away, she’s pulling me even closer.

I hold her in my arms all night, trying to commit every detail to memory. The comforting weight of her head onmy chest, the way she nestles closer in her sleep like she needs me, our breaths syncing as the minutes tick by.

But despite the peace, a nagging thought tries to sour it all. I can’t help but think about how time is finicky, second chances aren’t promised, and forever is never guaranteed—even if you do fight like hell to hold onto it.

I roll over in bed the next morning, only to find the spot next to me empty.

She’s gone.

In a panic, my eyes scan the room as I sit up, my spine stiff with tension. Her dress still lies draped over the chair in the corner, but my jacket and her shoes are gone.