Page 131 of An Honored Vow

“Was it harder than you thought?” Riven whispered into my ear.

I turned my head to face him. “What part?”

“All of it.” He wiped his eyes. “Killing Damien. I got your message and thought the worst.”

I stilled. I wasn’t going to keep what Gwyn had done a secret. I’d learned too well how fast a secret could spoil, but I didn’t want to tell that story yet. It was too fresh, that pain too sharp to live through it again so quickly.

I cleared my throat. “I fulfilled my promise.”

The words tasted only of the truth. I had pierced my dagger through Damien’s heart just as I’d imagined a thousand times over. Just as he’d made me do to Brenna. I had never thought of what would come after. Now my entire body felt raw. Like I could break out into a fit of sobs or laughter at any moment. A rage bubbled low in my belly ready to boil at the slightest provocation.

Riven slipped the gold chain from his neck and handed thediizrato me. “Then this is yours again.”

I clasped the pouch and let it dangle from my hand, not ready to put it on just yet.

“Did you mean it when you said you would follow me to whatever end?”

Riven’s breathing stilled along my back. “Yes, that’s as true now as it was then.”

“And when we promised to do our best totry?” I pushed. “Did you mean that too?”

Riven lifted me off his chest and turned me around so I sat between his legs, folding my thighs over his. “Diizra, what do you mean to ask me?”

I took a deep breath. Somehow it felt like a betrayal to ask Riven something so big, so selfish. But I knew it was what I needed. What webothneeded.

I lifted thediizra. “I want to do this right. I want a year.” I cleared my throat. “Ineeda year. I never got the chance to mourn her, not truly, or really grieve what I’ve done. A year to let that settle without the threat of execution or war over my head—”

“You want to be alone.” Riven’s brow furrowed. “For a year?”

My shoulders fell. “Not entirely alone.” I bit my lip, trying to find the words. “I just think I need time to discover who I am without the titles or the war room meetings … and I’m not going to find that if I trade one vice for another.”

“Are you saying I’m bad for you?” Riven leaned back. “That I’m wine you cannot drink?”

“No,rovaa.” I cupped his cheek. “But you could be. After so much darkness, I won’t lie. I feel the need to bury myself in anything I can, anyone I can, to keep from feeling all this pain. But I don’t want to do that.” I brushed Brenna’sdiizrawith my thumb. “I want to do what all Elverin before me have done. Spend the year healing and grieving and then come together ready and healed.”

Riven leaned into my touch. “I will wait a century if you need it. We have the time.”

I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t think that will be necessary.” I grabbed his hand. “You need time too, Riven. Your regrets still trail behind you.”

His face fell. “Thatwilltake a century.” His voice was full of spite.

“You see all my faults and failures yet you don’t stack them up against my character. Why do you do that with your own?”

Riven swallowed. “It is not the same.”

I tilted my head. “You told me that you saw me as a builder. But why can’t you see that same skill in yourself?”

“Everything I’ve built has rotted away.”

I turned back to the city we had freed. “You sparked the rebellion that did this. You imagined the future we now have.”

Riven’s mouth sat in a hard line.

I grazed my thumb along his bottom lip. “You told me of another dream. Maybe you should take the year to make it true.”

Riven blinked. “What dream?”

“Vellinth,” I answered. “You put too much faith in me. But that city is not my home, Riventh, it is yours. Take Darythir and all the Halflings that will join you and make it the home of your dreams.”

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