Page 41 of For One Night Only

seeing our name in lights from Seattle to Paris

don’t care how far this old Fender goes

no matter where we are, you’re still my home

Valerie doesn’t sing the words, but she hums a low harmony. “You remember it all.”

“Yeah,” I say, tearing my gaze away from hers, trying not to be too overcome. These lyrics have haunted me for six years, this last connection between us that never resolved. Of course I remember every single word of it.

So many sleepless nights have featured this song.

“This really could have been something, I just know it,” she says. She gestures for the guitar, and I hand it over to her. She starts noodling with the scraps of an unfinished verse.

We were working on “Daydreams” for our third album, the one that never existed. A slow, intimate love song isn’t exactly our brand of pop-punk-inspired rock—and honestly the song has more folk vibes than anything else—but this album still would have included plenty of what our fans expected. The band agreed the two of us could include something a little more personal on this one. Valerie and I were finally ready to let the world in on our not-so-secret love story.

Or at least that’s what I thought, until I took it too far and it all fell apart.

“I still haven’t apologized to you for that night,” she says, playing the chord progression over and over, like she’s reaching for a feeling.

“No, please don’t apologize.” I sigh. “We were kids. I was asking you to commit to something you weren’t ready for, and it wasn’t fair.” I can’t help but feel like if I’d just been paying attention, I’d have realized the timing was all off.

She huffs. “It’s not like it was a surprise. We were serious about each other. I was on a high after the concert. And when you proposed…for a moment, I was on top of the world. But then the panic set in.”

My mouth goes dry as the shame comes back to me in full force. The two of us alone in that greenroom after the show, meholding her back while the others went ahead to the hotel. The ringing silence when I asked a question she wouldn’t answer. “It was too much. I scared you away.”

“It’s just…making any plans for my future outside of music scared the hell out of me. There was all this pressure to get a new record out and capitalize on our success, and I couldn’t think about anything else. Instead of telling you how I was feeling, I asked for space.” Her hand stills on the frets, and I think about the phantom ring that might be there if things had turned out differently. That big flashy diamond I’m not even sure she liked, but I spent an unbelievable amount of money on anyway.

The reverberation of the guitar stops, muffled, until there’s nothing but silence between us. Finally, Valerie breaks it. “And we couldn’t continue, not after I hurt you like that. It’s my fault the band fell apart.”

“I thought…” I swallow thickly as the emotions start to stir in my chest again. Trying to clear my head, I resettle on the bed, crossing my legs. “I thought when you wanted to keep our relationship a secret, it meant that you weren’t happy. I was convinced you only stayed with me because of some obligation, an old friendship, a fear of breaking up the band and publicly ruining everything.” I sigh, gathering my nerve. “Don’t get me wrong—I proposed because of how I felt about you. But I think it was also about me trying to hold on to you tighter, instead of really thinking about what it would mean for us. I mean, we were so young. And then when you asked me for some time to think about it, it felt like you were letting me down easy. So I cut and left before my heart could break any more.” I didn’t just lose the person I thought was the love of my life that night. I lost the best friends I’ve ever had.

I broke up the band, not Valerie.

Her eyes widen, and if I didn’t know better I’d think she was holding back tears. “Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling?”

“Because I was twenty-two and an idiot. That ultimatum was really just self-sabotage.” My shoulders tense as I remember that night, shame flooding my bones. I really said I was done waiting for her to put us first. That if she really wanted me, she had to decide then and there if she was all in.

I gave her anow or neverand walked away with empty hands.

All at once, the pain of that moment comes rushing back. The greenroom was dusty, the scents of hair spray, coffee, and sweat permeating the air, but I had so much hope. And then there was the shouting, the tears, the weight in my chest as I walked away from the best thing that ever happened to me.

Because it was always the Glitter Bats. It was alwaysher.

“I wish you’d told me,” Valerie says. “Because then you’d know I didn’t want to keep you a secret out of obligation or regret, but to protect us from the world.”

I freeze. This is news to me. “What do you mean?”

She glances up at me through those long lashes, then stares at the duvet. “You know what fame does, how this industry can be. There was already tension in the band, and the media was getting worse, calling me a loose cannon and a hack…and a slut, after those photos leaked. I was living every day in survival mode. We’d get back from long hours of rehearsal and there my mom would be, waiting in my room, ready to read through all the headlines—good and very bad—and tally the engagement like I was a show pony.”

“Valerie, I…” I can’t believe I didn’t see it back then. She must have been barely holding it together. Her mom, the label, the media—she wrote a song about it, and I still didn’t see. Everyone wanted something from her, and then I added the ultimate pressure. That ring probably felt like a chain.

“But when you and I were together, everything was perfect. Some days, you were the only thing that could make me smile, and all I wanted was to get you alone where I felt safe. If we were alone,no one could touch us. And then you were on one knee with that massive diamond, and after my heart stopped racing, I had this vision of me ruining it and landing us on some list of failed celebrity marriages in ten years. I couldn’t take losing you like that.”

My jaw drops. “I had no idea,” I say as I suddenly realize something. “I was doing what everyone else was doing, wasn’t I? I was telling you how to live your life when you needed space to decide for yourself. Hell, I was practicallyhandlingyou when I delivered that ultimatum. I’m so sorry I didn’t see it before.”

Valerie gives me a watery smile. “I mean, you poured your heart out and I rejected you, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Besides, we both said vicious things that night.” She sets the guitar down and reaches for my hand, sending warmth across my skin. “And I’m really, really sorry too. I’m sorry I hurt you then, and now.”

I squeeze her hand. “You didn’t hurt me now.”

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