Page 70 of Beg, Borrow, or Steal

Smile, mouth, smile.

I hold my breath as Amelia picks up where he left off. “Well…as y’all know, my label wants me to tour for my upcoming album after taking the last one off. And…I’ve decided that I want to as well.”

Don’t drop the smile.

I see Noah squeeze her shoulder as he looks down at her with a smile. “And I’m going to go with her. For the entire duration of it this time. I don’t want to miss out on it, and now that Grandma isn’t…” He trails off and there’s a moment of gut-wrenching emotion that hits us all. “Well, anyway. It’s a good time for it.”

I force myself to smile even wider—it’s bordering on clownish. My lungs are broken, however. I can’t breathe.

My grandma is gone. My sister has moved away. My baby sister is getting married and who knows what changes that’s going to bring. Now my brother is leaving too.

The busy bar moves at half speed around me. Annie leans over and hugs Amelia, telling her how happy she is for her that she gets to tour again and assuring her they will come visit a lot on tour. Will says something about how weird it will be not acting as her bodyguard for this tour. And James and Noah are having a side conversation that looks positive. And me. I’m smiling. So big that sweat is starting to collect on the base of my spine.

In the past, I would have chosen this moment to voice my panic. To tell Noah not to go and that we need him here. That I need him here—though I’d never admit it like that. I’d blame it on Grandma. On the pie shop. On anything that I could possibly sink my fearful claws into to get him to stay. But not anymore.

Now I just stuff my fear and my hurt and my sadness in my Treasure Chest of Doom and hope that’ll be enough to pretend it doesn’t exist.

“So exciting!”I feel like I’m going to throw up.“I’ll look after the Pie Shop for you while you’re gone and keep things runningsmoothly.” At least that aspect of my life is always the same. The Pie Shop has been in our family for generations, and it’s a comfort to know that I can always count on it. The same floorboard will always squeak. My name is scribbled under the countertop. In the walk-in pantry there’s a section of the wall dedicated to tracking our heights. And my favorite of all, there’s a curse word written in Sharpie in the bottom, darkest corner of the pantry where no one can see it but I know it’s there because I remember watching Maddie write it when she was twelve. I tried to clean it off after she left so Grandma wouldn’t see it and get her in trouble. But Grandma caught me furiously scrubbing it and assumed I was the one who wrote it. I took the fall for Maddie and got grounded from TV for a week.

Noah’s smile has a touch of pity to it when he looks at me. “Actually, Em, I won’t need you to do that. Jeanine needed a change. She’s going to quit at The Diner and work for me at the Pie Shop full time instead. Since it’s a manager position she’ll get paid more than she did at The Diner and you won’t have to work yourself to the bone between school and the shop. It’s a win-win.” He pauses to assess my expression. I don’t know what he sees but whatever it is, it brings him to add, “I thought this would be easier on you.”

“Oh.” I blink and pick up my beer, needing something to do with my hands. “You’re right. That’s perfect! Yes. A win-win for sure.”

Keep smiling, Emily.

He doesn’t need me.

Keep smiling.

No one needs me anymore.

Don’t cry.

Madison is gone for good and I’m going to lose everyone else too.

Keep smiling, dammit. Keep yourself together so they don’t see how raw you feel. So you don’t mess up and say something you’ll regret.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I go to the bathroom, stand on the toilet in the middle stall, and hold my phone toward the ceiling, grabbing the one bar of service we’ve learned exists in this exact spot. And then I send a text I’ll probably regret tomorrow.

June 21

Emily (8:32 PM):It’s rude to turn down an invitation to Hank’s.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Jack

I’m outside Hank’s debating whether I want to go in or not. I look at the text from Emily for the hundredth time, once again trying to read between the lines. I know her well enough now to sense there’s something deeper happening here.

It’s rude to turn down an invitation to Hank’s.Which in Emily language meansI hate that you’re not here.

I was at home attempting to outline a chapter when I got this text, and I dropped everything.

Things between us have definitely changed. I like Emily. I’m attracted to Emily. And I…no, God, why am I lying even to myself? I more than like Emily. I’m quickly becoming obsessed with her. Part of me is wondering if I’ve been fighting with her all these years, resisting her, because some part of me knew…I knew she could do some real damage to my heart if I let her.

But the more I get to know Emily, the more I’m inclined to think she’d do everything she could to protect my heart before destroying it.

It’s rude to turn down an invitation to Hank’s.

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