Page 79 of The Off-Limits Rule: Extended Edition

“I love this kid to the moon and back, but he takes way too long to fall asleep.” Cooper is hightailing it down the hallway toward Levi’s room. (Cooper had dinosaur wallpaper put up before Levi moved in to surprise him, and I’ve never shed more tears in my life.)

I’m chuckling quietly as I follow behind Cooper and his speed-racer body, just narrowly managing to get Levi’s door open before Cooper rams right through it like the Kool-Aid man. He sets Levi on his bed and tucks him in, creating a little Levi-burrito with the covers, but I feel like I’m watching it all happen on 2x speed. I didn’t even realize Cooper was capable of moving this fast.

Finally, he whips around, grabs my hand, and tugs me out of the room, closing the door behind him, then hauling me like a trailer hitched to his truck, bobbing in the wind, as he races us toward our room. I’m laughing so hard I can barely keepup.

“Move those short legs faster, woman!”

“I can’t! They’re not used to exercise. Why are we running?!”

Cooper pulls me into our room and shuts and locks the door behind him. He turns around, an animal who has just caught itsprey. He points toward the closed door, stalking toward me in precise movements. “That child could wake up demanding water or comfort after a bad dream at any moment.” It’s adorable how quickly he’s caught on to the parenting life. “And I intend to make complete use of our alone time.”

Not wasting a second, Cooper grabs my hips and tosses me back onto the bed. I’m still laughing even though I know I shouldn’t. He tells me the same thing as he starts kissing my neck. “This is serious. You’re my wife, but that cute, bossy little guy keeps me from touching you all day. I have to make up for lost time.” His warm calloused hands run up and down my sides, sending a familiar thrill up my spine. His mouth presses against mine, and no sooner am I able to taste his lips than my phone begins buzzing angrily on my bedside table. Cooper’s head sinks onto my shoulder in despair, and he groans.Poor Cooper.

“You’re going to want to answer that, aren’t you?” he says, dismay blanketing his voice.

“Could be an emergency.”

He sighs dramatically and scoots over to sit with his back against the headboard. “Go on. I’ll wait.”

I give him a quick peck on the lips and answer my phone. “Hey—”

“You have to help me!” Jessie cuts me off, voice frantic like she’s just outrun a serial killer.

“Jessie, what’s wrong?! Is it the baby? Are you okay???”

Cooper sits forward, mimicking my concerned expression.

“NO! MY GRANDADDY IS COMING!” She says it so loud I have to hold my phone away from my ear to protect my eardrums.

Once Cooper and I both register her words, we relax. He rolls his eyes and stands, grumbling something inaudible that Iimagine is not very kind-spirited toward Jessie. “I’m going to go lock up the house. Tell Jessie I hate her and she’s never allowed to call at night again.”

Jessie heard all of that. “Oh, he sounds grumpy. Did I interrupt sexy times in the James household?”

“Please, never call it that again. And yes, you did. It’s very likely he will hold this against you for the rest of your life.”

“What a pouty little man-baby.” Jessie has no sympathy for men. I wonder if she’s always been this way or if it’s just residual anger against the man who left her. Which is valid anger, I might add. “But seriously, you’ve got to help me.”

“Because your grandaddy is coming to town? I don’t see the problem. I thought you guys were really close. He raised you, right?”

“Yes, and yes. But that’s exactly why I’m in so much trouble!”

“Why? Is he mad at you for getting pregnant or something?”

There’s a suspiciously long pause. “Not exactly.”

“Jessie…please tell me you haven’t been hiding your pregnancy from him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course he knows I’m pregnant! How in the world would I be able to hide that? No. He just…thinks I’m engaged.”

“What!Andthatis easy to hide?”

She groans loudly. “I know! It wasn’t a great plan, but I’ve been making up excuses all through the pregnancy of why my fiancé could never come with me to visit, and I thought maybe I could eventually say he got hit by a bus and died or something.”

“Breaking up would probably be an easier lie…”

“But then he surprised me and said he’ll be here in the morning and can’t wait to meet my fiancé! That little sneak is trying to pull a fast one on me! Andwho am I going to get engaged to before tomorrow?!”

The scary part is, I think she’s serious. I wouldn’t put it past her to be hunting the aisles of Target right now, looking for a clean-shaven man in the bodywash section. He might actually say yes because Jessie is drop-dead gorgeous, pregnant or not pregnant.

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