Page 39 of That's Not My Name

She scrolls through her voicemail and presses play with the flourish of someone who’s about to ruin my day.

A familiar sob comes through the speaker. “Autumn?” Lola cries.

Something vital inside me shatters into a thousand pieces.

“This is the worst time to not answer your phone… You won’t believe what he did. I can’t…I can’t even… He’s fucking evil. He’s the worst person. I can’t believe I spent so much time with him. He never really loved me. I don’t think he’s capable of love. He’s a fucking monster. I can’t believe he…” another fit of sobs fills the room. “I can’t deal with this anymore. Between him and my parents, it’s not…I can’t. I can’t handle it. Please call me back.”

The call cuts off and I crumple to my knees.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I don’t think he’s capable of love.

I’m going to lose my dinner. I start to retch, and Autumn’s eyes pop out of her smug little face. She kicks the desk trash can toward me, and I hold it in front of my face for the second time this week. Slowly my stomach settles, and the food decides to stay down.

Is this their new evidence? Is this what got the sheriff the warrant to search my car? To name me as his last remaining suspect? Is this voicemail the reason he thinks Ikilledher?

I slide back until my shoulders press into the door and I hang my head. “What have you done?”

“What do you mean what haveIdone? What haveyoudone!”

The voicemail replays over and over in my mind. I can’t stop picturing her walking down the side of the road, sobbing into her phone. All the possible horrors she could have walked into play in my mind. Because of me.

“I didn’t hurt her,” I repeat.

“The fuck you didn’t. You heard the message. She called you a monster. What did you do?”

I look up, catch her blazing blue eyes, and tell her the truth. “I broke up with her.”

Autumn’s mouth drops open, and I look down at my hands. Shame settles in every nerve of my body.

I broke up with her. I broke up with Lola.

And it may have killed her.

“You did not,” she whispers, so quiet I can barely hear her. “You wouldn’t.”

I glare at her. “Oh, but I’d kill her?”

“Wait. Tell me everything.”

That’s the last thing I want to do, but she probably won’t leave until I do, and I want to be alone when the grief and guilt of that voicemail eat me alive.

Besides, Autumn lost Lola too. And my dad was right, I’m not alone in this. She’s my least favorite person right now, but Autumn’s had to live with that voicemail for weeks. The stalking and the accusations make a lot more sense. The murder locker was still a dick move though.

“I sigh. She got in a fight—”

“With her parents. I know. She texted me about it while she was waiting for you to pick her up,” she says.

I nod. “She was still pissed when I picked her up and wanted to get food and go down to the river. We grabbed some burgers and drove to the boat launch. She vented about her parents, and we brainstormed ways to raise the money without them. She said I was the only person who saw things the way she did.”

Autumn’s face turns red again, and she sinks to the edge of my bed. “So naturally you dumped her.”

I deserve all the sarcasm she can fling at me. “I didn’t know I’d do it when I picked her up. She’d been casually dropping little comments about the future.Whenwe go to college together.Whenwe ditch our parents and move into our own place.Whenwe get married. Alwayswhen, like it was already decided. Like I didn’t have a choice in any of it. I felt like I was suffocating.

“Then at the river, she told me she couldn’t wait until we have our own kids because we’d help them withtheirfirst car, and I panicked. I mean, kids? Our kids? We haven’t even graduated yet. And…I don’t know, I just wanted some breathing space. She looked at me with those big eyes, and I don’t know what she said because all the blood wasrushing in my ears and all of a sudden I’m telling her I don’t want that. It turned into a huge fight. I got so mad, I told her I couldn’t be a Band-Aid for her family drama…and I said she was draining the life out of me. That I was done.”

Autumn’s face goes completely pale. “And she got out of the car.”

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