Page 80 of The Secrets We Share

KEIRA

Hurts Like Hell - Tommy Profitt, Fleurie

The priest finishes his prayer and motions for the casket to be lowered into the grave. I feel nothing. My body’s numb after the last two weeks of losing my damn mind. My puffy eyes sting, and my cheeks burn from the chafed skin caused by the gallons of tears I’ve cried. At least they’re hidden from the crowd behind oversized-tinted sunglasses.

“At this time, I’d like to call forth anyone who would like to say a final goodbye at the gravesite,” the priest offers.

Stace squeezes my hand, and the warmth of her skin against mine offers the slightest comfort. I’m sure she’s trying to get my attention to see if I want to go up, but I’m not ready. We watch the crowd parade by single file as they stop by his grave and exit to the cars parked along the grassy hills of the cemetery.

A deafening silence falls over me and my remaining support system. The birds don’t chirp, and the city sounds seem blocked by an invisible barrier. It’s as if the world knows I can’t handle more than what I’m already trying to process.

“I think we should go. Are you ready?” Nikita asks from my other side.

Brushing out the non-existent wrinkles from my black dress, I stand and wobble on my heels. Nikita and Stacey move in to wrap themselves around me. This is another reminder of why I never wanted to open my heart to someone new, because this is always how things end. I should have known better, yet I let myself do it anyway. I can feel that same wall Harkin demolished, brick by brick, rebuilding into place.

We head for the car, James steps up to pull Stacey into his side protectively. We shouldn’t be in any danger anymore, but I can’t blame him for wanting to hold them close. Nikita drapes her arm around my shoulder. She’s been a rock for me after magically reappearing after the firefight. We had it out. I screamed at her for letting me believe she’d been killed. She explained that the plan was set in motion the moment she opened her front door, and I stood there with a problem, looking for help. She told me Harkin found her out and knew he shouldn’t have interfered with their attempt to capture Domenico. That had caused a whole new fight.

They climb into the limo ahead of me, and as I’m about to fold my body into the back seat, a whisper of my name comes through the rustling of the leaves overhead. Looking over my shoulder, I wonder if I’ll see his ghost. If I’ll get one last glimpse of him before I leave him here to rot away, six feet under, with the worms. But, of course, that’s not what I see when my eyes finally focus on the scene ahead of me. The one person I could have gone without seeing today steps nearer.

“Keira, I?—”

But she doesn’t continue, as if the words between us are too hard to piece together after everything that’s happened. Instead, my eyes scan to the little girl at her side. The one who looks like she’s been plucked from my childhood memories. She takes afterher mom, and I idly wonder who her father is and if his DNA offered any traits to my niece.

Alina clears her throat, and my gaze swings back to hers. She doesn’t hide her pain behind sunglasses as I do. She displays it proudly, another play in her book for the attention she always craves.

“Sofia wanted to meet her aunt. The woman who’s helping her get better.” Alina looks down at her with more love than I thought she was capable of and scoots the little girl forward in my direction.

I drop into a crouch, my knee falling to the soft, wet grass. “Hi, Sofia,” I offer awkwardly.

Her eyes light up, and she rockets into my arms. It takes me aback. The unfiltered kindness of this child punches me in the gut and brings the tears I thought I was fresh out of back to life. I sniffle into her soft hair and hug her a little tighter. When she pulls away and steps back to her mom, I give them both a tight smile and rise from the ground. The air around us crackles with awkward tension.

“I should go.” I nod and turn back to the car to climb in, but before I can pull the door closed, something stops me. “Hey, Alina, get out. Now that he’s dealt with, you don’t have to stay. It’s what our mom did. It might not have saved her in the end, but it did me. Well, kind of.” I shrug. “She deserves better.” I nod to my niece, clinging to her mother’s skirt.

Her eyes follow my gaze down, but when they move back to me, devastation is written all over her face.

“I wish it was that easy.” Her hand falls to her stomach, and it’s enough to tell me how trapped she is in the life she semi-chose.

“That’s an even better reason. Call Patrick, Alina. It’s what’s best for all of you.”

She sniffles and nods, leaning down to pick Sofia up into her arms. I watch them disappear over the hill before closing the door to the limo to find three sets of eyes boring into me.

“Don’t.”

I know what they’re all thinking. I’ve spent months wanting to scratch her eyes out, but after everything, I can’t be bothered to hold on to the hatred for her that once boiled through my veins. She’ll never be a sister, but my heart bleeds for my niece and the next one to come. They’re innocent in this world, untouched by its wickedness that contorts mere mortals into the monsters that roam freely among us.

“Do you want to head back to the apartment? Take a shower and change?” Stacey asks.

“No, take me to him.”

“Keira, I don’t—I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You need to rest and eat something. That’s what Harkin would want,” James insists.

Stacey’s gasp hits the sentiment right on the head. Nikita slides closer to my side, offering her support.

“Well, he’s not fucking here, is he, James!” I say, the hurt from his statement lacing through every word.

“Keira, I—I didn’t. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Just tell the driver where to take me.”

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