Page 64 of The Shadows We Keep

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Days goby as I settle into my new warped reality. I’d spent years obsessively watching his life through a screen as an unknown bystander. Then, almost a year across the street, soaking in every glimpse of him I could manage before that fateful day we ran into each other. Now, we’re sharing a space, and I don’t know what to do with myself. You’d think I’d take advantage, but I can’t help feeling awkward.

I’ve never lived with a man, let alone one that sets my skin on fire with need. All it takes is a mere innocent look across the kitchen counter and I’m booking it back to my bed for a date with my battery-operated-boyfriend.

He’s kept his distance ever since those photos showed up for some infuriating reason. Before I moved in, it seemed like he couldn’t keep his hands off me every time we were in the same room. It’s been days, and he hasn’t so much as grazed a wandering hand across my ass.

Did I get friend zoned without me noticing?

Enough, is fucking enough. For the past week we’ve been dancing around each other, and I can’t take it anymore.

I pull my door open just a crack, peeking out into the hall. It’s clear both ways and I can’t hear anything from the living room. With my laptop tucked under my arm and my headphones already in, I slink down the hall. The sky darkens outside, the slightest sliver of grey lines my old apartment building across the street. The room’s empty—as I suspected—and I blow out a relieved breath.

Setting my computer on the coffee table in front of my favorite high-backed leather chair, I make a beeline to the liquor cabinet and Harkin’s extensive collection of top shelf alcohol. Guilt fills me the moment I blend a mixer with the amber liquor, when I’m pretty sure they’re meant to be sipped and savored. But my palate can’t tell the difference between a bottle of Jack or Johnnie; it burns all the same and leaves my limbs feeling warm and heavy.

Finishing up my concoction with a generous pour of grenadine and a maraschino cherry, I’m ready to settle in. I prop my feet up on the solid wood table, my fuzzy socks dancing to the music filling my ears. The fire flickers beside me in the grate, the ambiance shockingly cozy for how minimal and clean it is. I stare out the windows, watching the lights from the buildings across the skyline twinkle, New York’s equivalent of a starry sky.

My fingers find their familiar pattern to search the same pages I’ve looked at repeatedly. But it’s been months since I’ve peeked. I’m not surprised to find it’s still frozen in time, the last entry from over a year ago, way before I stumbled upon him in my neighborhood.

Pressure falls to my shoulders and a loud shriek leaves my lips. My body jolts in the chair, my laptop nearly crashing to the floor but my cat like reflexes snatch it just before it plunges down. I whip around to Harkin’s mischievous smile, taking a deep breath to calm the racing rhythm of my heart.

“Really, with everything going on, you thought sneaking up on me was the right move?”

His lips suck in trying to avoid the expanding smile on his face.

“What were you looking for, little one?” he asks, reaching over my body in the chair and pulling the screen back in our direction. I sink into the furniture, avoiding eye contact, with his questioning glances.

He takes in the screen, making a small noise of understanding. His fingers move like lightning across the keys and a website I haven’t thought about in years fills the screen. I never would have thought to check Tumblr since he’d given up on posting to Facebook long ago. But even if I had, I’d never been able to put two-and-two together to realize this page belonged to him.

He walks around the chair, plucking me and the laptop up before he steals my spot, settling me on his lap. His chin nods in the computer’s direction as his hands drop, resting on my exposed thighs. His fingers run up and down my warmed skin, tracing small shapes, and diverting my attention.

It’s been days since I’ve felt his skin on my mine. That friend zone I thought he punted me into is possibly a figment of my imagination.

“Look.” His deep command stills my wandering thoughts, and my eyes roam back to the screen.

Scrolling quickly without taking them in there’s tens—if not hundreds—of black and white photos, silhouettes mostly. I slow my scrolling, only to realize the silhouettes look an awful lot like me. That night in front of the window, my body cast in a red hue, when all there was between us was a chance meeting and a couple of white cards. Me sleeping in Harkin’s bed after that night I still can’t remember from the bar. There are other random things thrown in, but my eyes keep homing in on the ones of myself.

“In case you needed more proof that I didn’t take the photos on my desk. I’d say I have a more artistic eye, wouldn’t you?”

My breath catches at his confession. “You little sneak.”

I can’t be upset with his intrusion. They’re beautiful, intriguing, haunted even. My eyes cast above the fireplace to the oversized canvas and a knowing smile tugs at his lips. Nodding my chin in its direction, my non-verbal question asked.

“It’s you.” He nuzzles into my neck, and a small sigh escapes my lips. I slip the computer off my lap and turn to face him, straddling his lap.

The oversized hoodie that usually hangs low on my thighs, rides up, almost exposing the black-lace, boy-short panties hidden beneath. His heated stare drops between us, sending tingles of pent-up excitement through my limbs.

“You’ve been avoiding me, sweetness.”

I smile at his observation. “It’s not like you couldn’t come find me.”

“Mmm, is that what you wanted me to do?”

Was it?

Was I waiting for him to make the first move again after everything that had come up between us? Probably. But how long could I keep shoving my need for him aside? One taste isn’t enough. My body craves him with an intensity that only grows the longer I go on tip toeing around the apartment.

I’ve played coy long enough. The whole reason I dragged myself out of hiding and made myself comfortable in the middle of the living room was to draw his attention away from the computer screens that have had him occupied the last couple of days.

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