“Are we really doing this? You’re just going to drop back into my life like nothing happened to talk about retirement?” Aiden couldn’t quite believe that Matt would even care about this, let alone that he’d turned back up here, on the last night, to talk about it. Aiden wasn’t his problem anymore.
“You’rethe one who ended things.”
“No, we both mess—”
“I didn’t mean for any of this—”
Aiden was suddenly desperate for the conversation to be over, desperate to keep Matt from telling him why he was here again or what the hell he expected from Aiden, desperate not to spend this last small stretch of time they had together the same way they’d spent the last six months of their relationship, desperate to turn off his brain.
“Matt, can you just—can you just stoptalking, fuck—”
Matt’s mouth twitched. “That’s what you want, huh?”
“Yes.”
“That’s all you want?”
“Yes.”
Matt got down on his knees, there in the entryway, looked up at Aiden with anguished eyes that cut right through him. “Okay, baby. Make me.”
When it was over, even though he’d come, Aiden didn’t feel any relief. Matt started dressing, face expressionless, not looking Aiden in the eye. Aiden watched him do it from the couch. He wondered whether everyone handled retirement asbadly as he was handling it, or whether his competitive nature had to be the best at being the worst, too.
Matt said, “So this is it, I guess.”
“Guess so.”
“We’re going back to Hamilton tomorrow morning.”
“I know.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Aiden—”
“What, Matthew?”
“Never mind. Have a—fuck it, fuckyou, enjoy your retirement.”
“Doing great, buddy,” Aiden said, walking him to the door, “no regrets.”
Matt didn’t look back when he went.
Matt said goodbye to his family at the airport. He was grateful that he and Miles had managed to talk them into flying instead of the eight-hour road trips they’d loved to take when Matt was a kid, like they had to make up in quality time for all of the hockey-related travel, for all of the time the Safaryan boys had spent with billet families instead of at home.
Miles and Jess were flying back to Hamilton to spend evenmoretime with their parents before they returned home to New Jersey to prepare for the season. There had been a time when Matt would have gone with them, but he was already relieved he’d planned to spend most of the offseason back in Montreal. He’d had a house in Hamilton too, for a little while, but eventually, when he realized he almost never actuallywantedto be there, he’d sold it.
It was easier not to deal with his parents’ quiet disapproval. It was easier not to be under constant scrutiny, like the way Miles was eyeing him now as they prepared to part ways at the security gate, after Matt had hugged Ellie and Theo goodbye and kissed Jess on the cheek.
“I’m fine,” he told his brother, for the umpteenth time.
Miles just shook his head, clearly disbelieving, and even though he was annoyed, Matt felt a surge of warmth in his chest, knowing just how much his brother cared about him. They’d always been close, only fifteen months apart, constantly in an intense friendly competition about anything and everything. Both of them had the scars to show for it.
Matt had stuck by Miles through a rough transition from the minors to the big league, and Miles had helped Matt pick up the pieces of his shattered life after Aiden left. When things had gotten really bad.
“Really. You don’t have to worry about me.”