Page 104 of Goaltender Interference

Matt’s dark eyes were just as tired as his voice, looking Aiden over with a combination of fondness and concern. “I’m thinking about a lot of options. I haven’t made a decision yet, though. It’s just, you know how hard it is tostop.”

“Yes. Well. At least you probably won’t be as bad at retirement as I am.”

“Look—this isn’t a good time to talk about it. I want to do it in person, when I do make the decision.”

The gnawing fear again: would Matt be playing again next year? Would he be switching cities? Would Aiden have to uproot his life again, learn how to survive somewhere new, without even the scarce familiarity of Montreal?

And then he realized, all of a sudden, with the sudden force of a puck to the cage: it didn’t matter.

Wherever they went, however long Matt was away:it didn’t matter.

No matter where they were, Matt would always be coming home to Aiden, and Aiden was going to do what he needed to do to be there when Matt came home. To make it work. Maybe it wouldn’t always be easy. Maybe he’d do a horrible job at that, too. But Matt loved him and Matt was willing to wait for him and maybe Aiden didn’t deserve it at all, but he had it. All that mattered now was what he chose to do with it. That was withinAiden’s power, and it always had been. He’d screwed it up in the past, but now he was looking at the future. Now hecouldfinally look at the future.

Whatever happened, it was going to beokay.

“Aiden?” Matt said, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I... I just realized something. It’s nothing.”

“You looked like you just saw a ghost. Seriously? You’re good?”

Aiden smiled and said, “Yeah. Okay, Matty. I’ve kept you up long enough, eh? You should sleep.”

Matt’s brow furrowed, like he didn’t quite believe it. “Okay. Hey, Aidy.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Yes.” For the first time in a long time, Aiden said, and meant it: “I know. I love you, too.”

After they hung up, Aiden reached for his laptop. There was a folder of pictures he still had on the hard drive that he’d never quite been able to bring himself to delete, even after things had ended. Knowing it was there had always felt a little like a barely healed scab, something that would start bleeding at the lightest touch, even years later. A Pandora’s box that should never be opened.

Aiden was finally ready to open it.

The road trips through the New York and Philly area had always been bittersweet for Matt. When he and Aiden had fallen headfirst into their relationship the first time, it had been a chance to see him, one of the few times they ever had during the year. And then after Aiden had dumped him, it was an exquisitekind of torture, being so close to him but not able to touch. The reminder of the things he’d lost.

So to say it was strange playing in New York without Aiden in the crease was a little understatement. He’d been that one constant, that lodestar. Gabe Walker had done a good job of taking over even though they were big skates to fill. Matt watched him warming up, stretching on the ice, and sighed. He should say something. It was probably going to be awkward as hell, but he should say something.

He skated over.

Gabe looked up immediately, a little wary. “Safaryan,” he said, as he got up out of the stretching position he’d been in so he could look Matt in the eye. This close, Matt could see so clearly how young he really was.

“Hey,” Matt said. “Sorry. I didn’t want to make this weird. I just... Aiden told me what you did. When he left. When he came home.”

All around them, both teams were in the midst of stretches and the beginning of the warm-ups. The skaters whizzed by; at the corner of his hearing Matt could hear the steady bang of pucks against the boards.

“Home?” Gabe hunched a little forward. “He did, huh.”

“Yeah. I wanted to say, I don’t know. Thank you. I’m sorry about...everything, you know. But thank you. He’s...it’s meant a lot to me to have him back.”

“Yeah.” He sighed, an exhale that Matt saw rather than heard. “You’re welcome. I just—promise me one thing, Safaryan.”

“Yeah?”

“Take good care of him. I fucking love that guy, probably more than you know. And he needs someone to take good care of him. Even if he’d never say it. You leave him on his own and he’s...well. You saw how the last year went. He’s kind of a disaster. Promise me.”

“I promise you,” Matt said. It was almost comical, talking about Aiden that way, like he was a starving rescue dog. But in a way that’s what he had been when he came to Montreal over the summer, raw and more than a bit feral, ready to snap at any hand offered in kindness. Matt thought about him in the condo, how comfortable it was coming home to Aiden’s warm body in his bed, Aiden’s cooking in the kitchen, Aiden’s company on the couch. “I promise. I’ll take really good care of him. Ido.”

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