Page 101 of Goaltender Interference

Matt stopped abruptly when he noticed Aiden sitting there, and Aiden wondered whether he was just going to turn around and walk away, even though it was his own condo.

“Matt,” Aiden said, getting awkwardly to his feet. The blood rushed back in, the pins and needles echoing the jumpy, nervous feeling in his chest. “Please, can we talk?”

“How long have you been out here?” Matt asked. His voice was soft and even, hard to read.

“I don’t know. What time is it now?”

“One in the morning.”

“I don’t know. Four hours? Four and a half?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Aiden. And you—your hair—you cut it?”

“Yes. It was time. Can we?”

Matt’s teeth dug against his lower lip and Aiden could see him doing the math of all of this behind his eyes.

Aiden took a deep breath. “I understand if you don’t want to, I understand I fucked it up again, I understand you don’t owe me anything—I just—I’m so fuckingsorry, Matt, and I want to explain.”

Matt exhaled. “Okay. Come on up.”

He followed Matt into the living room. The condo felt different than when Aiden left it last. Because he’d been home so often and Matt hadn’t, Aiden had assumed the responsibility of keeping things spotless and organized. Tonight he saw how Matt had been living without him, which was piles of laundry on the couch, some dishes and pots stacked in the sink and a general air of chaos that hadn’t been there when Aiden was.

And Matt himself: he looked just as exhausted as Aiden felt, and Aiden wanted more than anything to take him in his arms, wrap his arms around Matt’s waist, throw himself at Matt’s feet and beg for forgiveness. Anything. He stood there instead, trying to rub the feeling back into his hands, red from the cold.

“Talk,” Matt said. He had his arms crossed over his chest, still standing.

“I’m sorry,” Aiden said, realizing, belatedly, that he hadn’t thought about what he was going to say once he actually got there. “I love you so much that it kind of makes me a little crazy. Or maybe I already was...and I’m sorry. This last year has been—I haven’t handled it well. I didn’t knowhowto handle it. I thought I was trying, but I was afraid to be honest with you, about how bad things were and how frightened I was, of fucking this up, of losing you again—”

Matt made a noise in his throat that Aiden couldn’t decipher but didn’t move toward him. Aiden kept talking.

“It just felt—like I could be happy again when you were here, when I could pretend I wasn’t flailing and drowning and miserable, and then when you left it was like—all of that just came rushing back in, and I wanted you to be happy, and I thought you were happiest with the team, playing. I didn’t want to force you into a situation likeme. And then I was thinking about doing this for another season, what would happen when you realized I wasn’t getting better, when I fucked things up again, and I panicked, so I—so I just—I ran away. I was scared, and I ran away, because that way I could control it. I’m sorry... I’msosorry. I hope you can forgive me eventually.”

He could see Matt’s face, watch the corner of his mouth twitch, the way he couldn’t look anywhere except Aiden. Finally, Matt said, “I didn’t know how to feel when you left. I never knew how to feel when you left. I didn’t expect you to come back this time, either.”

“I wasn’t planning to come back until Gabe slapped some sense into me and I realized if I didn’t, I’d regret it for the rest of my life and—I don’t know what’s going to happen, what I’m going to be able to actually do, but I just want you to know that, that if I’m doing anything, I wantyouto be there. I want to do it withyou. I want you to be in my life and I want to be in yours and, and I’ll do my best to actually deserve that this time.”

“Jesus, Aiden, it was never aboutdeserving it. It was just about being here, staying here, letting me in your life and being in mine, and trying to... I don’t know. Trying to make it work however we could.” He stared at Aiden like if he did it hard enough, Aiden would finally,finallyunderstand what he was trying to say, that intense dark gaze that stripped him right down to the bone. “The last few months, having you here again? Coming home from roadies to you? Having you here in ourhome and taking care of me...making me laugh. Being able to take care ofyou—you have no idea what that’s meant to me. I love you, you know that? Always fucking have. It’salwayscome back to you, no matter how I tried not to.”

“I’m going to try. I promise you, Matty. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Matt held out his arms and Aiden half-stepped and half-fell into them. Matt took Aiden’s freezing hands in his own, his breath hot on Aiden’s fingers. “Just be honest with me.”

“Yes.”

“Stay with me.”

“Yes,” Aiden said. “Yes.”

“Come to bed?”

Aiden said, again, “Yes.”

They were both exhausted, Matt from the game and Aiden from everything else, but side by side in the bed, staring at each other in the dark, Aiden couldn’t help leaning forward to kiss the stupid smile off of Matt’s face, couldn’t help running his hand over Matt’s cheek and jaw, couldn’t help sighing with dumb, pleased satisfaction when Matt mouthed wetly at his neck.

They were too tired for anything except making out like teenagers, Matt grinding sleepily into Aiden’s thigh, his breath hitching when Aiden took his cock in his spit-slicked hand, groaning when he slid it down Matt’s length, laughing when he got his hands down Aiden’s pants and Aiden’s confident motion stuttered.

Aiden didn’t want this to end, and for the first time he realized that it didn’t have to. There would be tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. To his surprise he realized that his eyes were stinging, and then that his cheeks were wet. His face was hot, the humiliation of his body doing something hecouldn’t control. But once they’d started, he couldn’t seem to make them stop.

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