Page 71 of Goaltender Interference

By the time he was finished with everything, it was getting late, and Matt knew Aiden was probably waiting up for him at home. He was seized by the almost feral need to just get out of the building. To go home. To bury his face in Aiden’s hair andclose his eyes and not think about the loss or the next game or his aching knee or the contract he hadn’t been offered or signed yet.

“Cap,” Jammer said from behind him, “can we talk?”

“Yeah,” Matt said, blinking. “Anytime, of course. You know I’m here for all of you.”

“That’s actually kind of the problem,” Jammer said. His usually serene face was creased a little bit with a frown. “Let’s walk and talk, huh?”

“Sure,” Matt said, and followed him toward the players’ exit to the garage level. They walked in silence: it was one of those cool October nights where he could feel winter trembling in the air already. Some of the guys complained about the harshness of the Montreal winters, but Matt had always liked them. They were bracing. Down here, they were sheltered from the worst of it.

“I was just thinking, you know?” Jammer said. “That you’ve been kind of, ah, disconnected. Is it the contract stuff? What’s the deal?”

The only reason Matt didn’t bolt immediately was because his car was right here. He could easily end the conversation whenever he wanted to by opening the door and getting in, no matter how rude it would be. “I don’t know what you mean,” he lied.

“Come on,” Jammer said. He extended one heavy hand to rest on Matt’s shoulder. Matt, who wasn’t a small guy, was still dwarfed by Jammer’s height and width. “I’ve noticed. Fourns has noticed. We’re just concerned about you, you know?”

Matt didn’t push his hand away, but he had to push down the sting of bile in his throat. “It’s kind of complicated, Jams. A personal-life thing.”

“Okay?” Jammer said. “I thought we were friends, though. If there’s something I can do to make this season easier for you, Iwanna know.”So you’ll staywas the unspoken undercurrent to the words.

“All right,” Matt said. “You want to know? My ex-boyfriend who I hadn’t spoken to in a decade moved in with me a few months ago and came out publicly even though that was pretty much at least half of the reason we broke up in the first place and I haven’t fully gotten used to the idea that he’s back and we haven’t talked about the future at all and I was hoping he’d be feeling better by now but it doesn’t seem like that’s the case and I’m half expecting at any minute that he’s going to bolt right back to New York.”

Jammer blinked. “Well. That would explain things, certainly.”

“I was trying not to let it affect my play. I don’t think itis. Or at least, it’s not the only thing. The contract negotiations are...”

“Not fun,” Jammer agreed. He’d been to arbitration before, back when he was an RFA, and in a lot of ways that experience was even worse than what Matt was going through right now. In arb, you had the team laying out all of the reasons you sucked, and they didn’t want to pay you before a judge. This was just a GM stonewalling Matt’s agent. Jammer’s dark eyes looked Matt up and down, like he was considering both the contract and the ex-boyfriend information. “Came out...you don’t mean...”

“Yeah. Aiden,” Matt said. “And he’s not dealing with retirement very well. I was thinking about inviting him to karaoke night. Not that I have any idea if he’d like that. Not that I have any idea if the team would be okay with that.”

Jammer’s eyes crinkled at the edges in a little smile. “Cap, if it makes you happy? You know the team would roll out the goddamn red carpet for this guy.”

Matt snorted. “Probably not the ones who were around for the first time. You think?”

“I don’t know how to explain it to you, Safy, but all of these guys would go to war for you. I’m pretty sure they’ll be chill if you want to bring your boyfriend to a team night.”

They stood awkwardly, Matt’s arms folded over his chest. “Ex-boyfriend.”

Jammer rolled his eyes. “Come on. The guy’s been living with you formonths? This isn’t a roommate situation, really, is it?”

“No.”

“Then that’s not yourex-boyfriend, man.”

Matt wondered whether Aiden had realized this, or would agree with it, and thought that the chance was probably pretty slim. He sighed and ran his hand through his damp hair, pushing it away from his forehead. “I mean, maybe not. I guess that’s part of why I’ve been so distracted. It’s great. It’s been...great. But it’s also... I don’t know. The whole thing is kind of overwhelming if I stop to look at it too long.”

“My solution is usually to look at it as long as necessary, until it ceases to become overwhelming and merely becomes a fact of my life,” Jammer said, his eyes crinkling up into a smile.

“Thanks. Very useful help. Will be implementing this one shortly.”

“But seriously, Safy. If you were worrying about the team, I’ll help make sure it’s not an issue. Because it’s not.”

“Thank you.” Matt was struck momentarily by an almost physical pain at the thought of having to play somewhere else, without the team he’d built up around himself over the years. “It means a lot more to me than I can really say, Jams.”

“You don’t need to. That’s not why I said that shit. It’s because we love you, you idiot.”

Matt hugged him, briefly, one of those bro-type hugs where you pounded the other guy on the back. It was easier than trying to further discuss his feelings, even with someone as generally tuned into feelings as Jammer was. But Jammer didn’t let himgo when it was over, and Matt was forced to mumble into his shoulder, “Okay. Thanks. Listen—I’m fucking wiped, okay? I gotta go before I fall asleep at the wheel.”

“See you at the rink tomorrow,” Jammer said, and released him from the hug.

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