Page 39 of Goaltender Interference

“Not really, Aiden.”

Some of the stuff he was supposed to work on at home was making lists of things he could see himself doing with the rest of his life, but he usually spent most of the time he forced himself to do it staring at a blank piece of paper, pen in hand.

“What are you doing?” Matt asked him, one night, as he glared in frustration at the empty page, screaming internally at his equally empty brain.

“Trying to—think of shit to do with the rest of my life. Something that doesn’t have anything to do with hockey.”

Matt sat down on the couch next to him, shifted closer so he could force his arm behind Aiden’s back, set his hand on Aiden’s waist, rested his chin on Aiden’s shoulder. It shouldn’t have felt as comforting as it did. He shouldn’t lean back into it. He did anyway.

“Why can’t it involve hockey?” Matt asked, so close Aiden could feel the heat of Matt’s breath against his ear.

“It just—I don’t know. I can’t play for a living anymore and I don’t want to keep looking at what I can’t have, every day. It, uh, it just hurts too much.” The words were falling out of his mouth before he could stop them. His neck felt red and hot, his hands clammy, because it wasn’t just hockey, it wasn’t just—

Matt’s hand on the side of his face, turning Aiden’s head toward him. “Baby,” he said, kissing the corner of Aiden’s mouth, “it’s okay, it’s okay.”

It wasn’t, of course, but Aiden let himself pretend for another night.

He woke up at midnight and checked his phone to find a text from Hannah.Aiden, please answer me this time. I’m really worried about you.

I’m fine, Hannah. You can tell Mom and Dad too.

Are you coming home for Raksha Bandhan?

Probably not. I’ve been busy. I’m sorry. I’ll mail you a check.

I don’t want a check, asshole, I want to tie a rakhi on my brother. I want to actually see you for a change.

I’m sorry, Hannah. Things have just been a little hectic.

ARE you in Montreal?

Yeah. I have been for a few weeks now.

Aiden, seriously? Are you sure that this is a good idea?

Can you please stop asking? I wish you guys wouldn’t keep treating me like I’m a little kid who needs his hand held.

It’s just if this doesn’t work out, how are you going to handle it? I was there for the aftermath of the first time, you know.

I KNOW, Hannah.

You were such a mess for such a long time.

Aiden thought about telling her what a disaster his retirement had been, in general, even without Matt, that Matt was the only thing that had made him feel much of anything since he hung up his skates, but he didn’t think Hannah would appreciate hearingthat. Especially not when they had been trying so hard to be supportive, trying so hard to bring him back home.

Instead, he said,I know. Thank you for being there for me.

And I know you’re an adult.

You should’ve been the older sibling.

Yeah, well. Life happens. I’m not.

How are Ankit and the kids?

Everyone’s fine. We miss you.

I miss you too.

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