Page 106 of Goaltender Interference

Aiden wearing Matt’s jersey at a team party.

A picture from karaoke night, one Matt hadn’t seen before, Aiden tucked under his arm and leaning into his body.

Matt, asleep in bed and twisted up in the covers, Aiden’s hand splayed on his shoulder.

“It’s completely insane,” Matt said, “and Ilove it. I loveyou.”

“I love you, too,” Aiden said, and seemed like he exhaled for the first time. When Matt held out his arms, he went to them, easily, an embrace that felt like Matt could maybe crack his bones. “I’ve always loved you.”

“Aiden, I just—what made youdothis? What did you even...?”

“I was just thinking. About how long you’ve been in my life. How long I’ve been in yours. All of my best memories are of you.Sometimes I think myonlygood memories are of you. And I just... I know I’ve fucked up a lot. I know it’s not always going to be easy. But I just wanted to show you. Somehow. How much you mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me. And to tell you, somehow, that I’m not going anywhere this time.”

Matt pulled back, just enough that he could look Aiden in the eye. Aiden’s face, familiar and unfamiliar all at once, a face he’d relearned over the last year. Soon he’d know the frown and laugh lines as intimately as he’d known Aiden in his twenties. Aiden, who looked almost shy, embarrassed by the gesture he’d made.

Aiden had a legacy ifanyonehad a legacy: the Cups and the individual awards and the hushed way new players coming into New York spoke of him. He’dbeenthe Liberty for so many years. He’d had a legacy; he was probably a first-ballot Hall of Famer now that he was retired. And none of it had helped him. He’d been miserable in retirement, so miserable that even Matt hadn’t known how to help him, and the legacy had been a cold comfort. It had been all Aiden had, and it hadn’t done one damn thing for him.

Matt thought about Marcus Aurelius again:“But look at how soon we’re all forgotten. The abyss of endless time that swallows it all.”He thought about“everything fades so quickly, turns into legend, and soon oblivion covers it,”and how for the last few seasons he’d been trying to reconcile those ideas with the need to leave something tangible behind in Montreal. Matt thought about Aiden, here and now, and the concrete reminders on the wall, the evidence of the memories they’d made over the years together. How he could never have forgotten Aiden even when he’d tried.

In that second, all of the doubts and questions Matt had had about his future resolved.

“Hey,” he said, “come to bed?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” Aiden said, and smiled.

Aiden woke up in the middle of the night, sore and disoriented and way too fucking warm. And then he remembered exactly where he was and what he had done, and realized he felt like this because Matt was plastered against his back, arm over Aiden’s hip. His hot breath tickled the back of Aiden’s neck. Aiden felt like he had been here before and instead of feeling panicked, he exhaled and realized that he would be here again, and again, and again. He shifted to free the arm he’d been lying on and felt Matt stir into wakefulness.

“Hi, baby,” Aiden said. The word felt awkward on his tongue, even though he’d saidbuddyand meant something else so many times over the years that it was basically the same thing. The sleepy smile on Matt’s face when he heard it was worth it. “Go back to sleep.”

“No, in a minute,” Matt mumbled into Aiden’s shoulder, voice slurred with exhaustion. “Have to tell you something first.”

“Oh yeah? Maybe you should wait until you actually wake up, bud.”

“’M awake enough. Been thinking about it. I’m not doing free agency next season. I’m notplayingnext season. When the postseason ends, that’s it for me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’m ready. Whatever happens next—it’s gonna be you and me, baby. Together. We’ll figure it out together this time.”

Aiden remembered, suddenly, a question Matt had asked him once, years and years ago.What would make you satisfied?He’d thought he’d figured it out back then, but he’d been young and naive and thought he’d known everything, hadn’t had any idea what the future held in store for him.

Maybe he wouldn’t be satisfied, ever, and maybe he thought he’d figured out contentment before. And maybe he could learn to be content with what he had now.

But what came out of his mouth, with the honesty of exhaustion, was: “Matt, I’m really... I’m really happy.”

“Good,” Matt said, still into his shoulder. His eyes were closing; Aiden could feel the movement of Matt’s eyelashes against his skin, a faint brush that tickled his skin. “Now makemehappy and go the fuck to sleep.”

We’ll figure it out together this time.

Aiden trailed his hand down Matt’s back as he felt his breath shift slower, deeper, and smiled.

He went the fuck to sleep.

IV. THE FUTURE

Chapter Eleven

An Article inThe Players’ Voice

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