Page 78 of Delay of Game

“I wasn’t sure what to think. I was so afraid to talk to you about it because I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship, I didn’t want to fuck up what we had... I just—I was just so happy that things were going the way they were going, and I just wanted it to be real so fucking badly. But it wasn’t real, it was just a good luck charm.”

“It was always real for me. Nate, it wasalwaysreal for me.”

“Then why didn’t you just say something?”

“I don’t know, it’s just...if you were scared, can you imagine how I felt? I’ve never even had a relationship before. People don’twantto date me. I’m great to fuck around and have fun with, but people don’t like to hang around. And I wasn’t sure if you were...sure about things. I didn’t want to stop, but I was just, I was scared. And it was completely stupid, the good luck thing, but it was less fucking terrifying than actually talking to you about it.”

“I...” He slipped his fingers over Zach’s. They were shaking. “I just really couldn’t believe someone like you could want someone like me.”

“Baby, what the fuck are youtalkingabout?”

“It’s just...you’re so fucking hot, Zach, and you’ve always been the best at everything you do. You were a top five draft pick and you have a Cup and I’m just some guy, just some guy from Philly who worked hard and managed to stick it out out of sheer stubbornness and I’m a fucking mess like... I’m just not in the same league as you. I never was.”

Zach stared at him, and said, again, “You said that before, out of my league, but what thefuck are you talking about?”

“What?”

“Dude. I’ve been a fuckup for so long because of all of that. Because I could get away with it, because I was good at hockey and good-looking and people just let me do whatever the hell I wanted to do, and I was a fuckingnightmare. It wasn’t until coming here, until meetingyou, that I really had the chance to be better. To do better. That I evenwantedto do better.”

“That was all you, Zach.”

“Listen, shut up. It doesn’t matter. The point is that I wanted to be better because of this team. Because of you. Because of what you meant to me. No one ever believed in me like you did right from the beginning.No one.I wanted to earn that trust.”

“You did—”

“I know, I know. I know I did. But Jesus, Nate, you have no fucking clue, do you?” Zach had his hands in his hair now, on reflex, so frustrated at his inability to get the words out that he was tugging at it.

Nate’s teeth pressed into his lower lip, the little gesture he always did when he was nervous. “About what?”

“Like how special you are. How important to the team you are, to me, like—how fuckinghotyou are.”

Nate was shaking his head, like he didn’t believe it, like he didn’t want to hear it.

“Dude, yes. I don’t care what the scouts said your draft year or what you looked like in high school. I would’ve fallen in love with you even then, if I knew you.”

Nate’s blue eyes opened wide, a shocked look. “In love?”

It was stupid. Zach had been terrified to even talk to him for so long and the words had just come out without any self-control whatsoever. But Nate didn’t seem upset by it. On the contrary. His hands were shaking where they rested on his thighs. Zach took the plunge.

“In love. Probably since the beginning.”

Nate took a deep breath of his own. “Me...me too. I mean, I love you too.”

Zach felt almost light-headed for a second, the relief of knowing that weight was off of his shoulders forever. “And now...?”

“Now...what?” Nate asked. There was that little hesitation that he always had in his voice when he wanted Zach to keep going but was embarrassed to ask for it.

“And now?” Zach swallowed. His fingers tightened on Nate’s knee. “I mean, I can tell you more, but I think...maybe we should go upstairs, huh?”

“I—yeah.”

He followed behind Nate, still not quite able to believe that this was happening. Nate’s broad back, his shoulders, and hisassand his thighs and all of the parts of him that Zach had gotten to know so intimately and thought he’d never be able to actually touch again. They were all still tucked away safely under Nate’s clothes, but he could practically feel them under his palms even so. Some things had burned themselves into his muscle memory.

It had been a few months since he’d been in Nate’s bedroom, but it hadn’t changed at all either. Even now, Nate had still been carefully keeping everything clean and his laundry folded and put away, and Zach was filled with a stupid surge of affection for his dumb, responsibility-driven captain, carefully KonMari folding his own underwear even though he made six and a half million dollars a year.

Nate turned to look at him. His face was so open and raw that Zach almost wanted to look away. Except he couldn’t look away, even if he’d wanted to. When Nate looked like that, it was mesmerizing. “I never thought we’d be able to do this again.”

Zach took a step forward and held out his hands. Nate’s fingers were warm and clammy in his. “You did it. You were the one who was fucking brave enough to take the chance.”

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