Page 64 of Wildly Inappropriate

“Why am I drowning my sorrows? Thanks for asking, JT. It would’ve been a real dick move not to, of course, but you, the guy they tout as the nicest professional golfer in the world, would never be so jealous of a guy who’s friends with yournot girlfriendthat you’d act like that, right?”

A laugh escapes me even though I desperately don’t want it to.

“Fine. Sorry. I’m having a shit night.”

“Want to talk about it?”

I look at him skeptically because um, yes. I most certainly want to talk about it. But I also just met this guy who went out on a date with Lila like four minutes ago. I’m not sure I can trust him or his advice.

Unfortunately, my mouth has other plans, and without deciding to open up to him, I hear myself saying, “She loves me.”

He just stares at me blankly. “Why is that a problem? Most people want their girlfriends to love them.”

“She’s not my girlfriend!” I practically yell, and am glad it’s just the two of us here. Even the bartender headed to the back, leaving us truly alone.

“Right. You did say that, to be fair to you.”

“Exactly. So she can’t love me.”

“Do you love her?”

“I don’t know.” I drag my hands through my hair. “Maybe?”

“Okay, and are you married?”

“What?” The drink I just took a sip of goes down the wrong pipe, and I start coughing.

Matthew waits until I can breathe again before repeating the question.

“No, I’m not married. Do you think—”

He holds up his hand. “Then why can’t she be your girlfriend? Then you can see if you love her or not.”

“It’s complicated.”

“In my experience, saying it’s complicated is usually just someone’s way of not having to put their heart on the line.”

I take in the man again, sitting in a country club bar instead of in town, all alone with a day-old beard and dark shadows under his eyes.

“Why are you drinking away your sorrows, Matt?” I ask, truly wanting to know the answer.

He takes another long pull of his drink, finishing off the glass. “Because I missed my chance with the girl I love. And now, I have to live every day knowing she’s out there in the arms of another guy and happy. But also knowing she’s not as happy as she could be because there’s not a guy in this fucking world who could make her as happy as I could. And that’s on me. Because I was too afraid to tell her how I felt, and she got tired of waiting around for me to be the guy she deserved. And so finally she left.”

“Shit, man. That sucks. But that. That right there, is why I can’t do this. She will eventually leave. I have to focus on my golf. I have responsibilities and people who rely on me, and she’s going to be at home waiting for me to come back from some tournament or another, and she’s going to leave.”

His eyes flare in annoyance at that. “If you really think so little of her, then you’re right. You shouldn’t pursue her.”

“What? I think Lila is fucking amazing.”

“And yet you also think she’s so flighty, so weak that she’s just going to give up because you have a job where you have to travel a lot?”

“It’s not about that. It’s about my priorities. I’ve made people sacrifice for me, give up their dreamsfor me,their whole life. And I’m not worth it. She’ll realize I’m not worth it and will leave.”

“No. You don’t get it. The girl I love, she didn’t leave me because I wasn’t good enough. I always had the potential to be the guy she wanted. Shit, Iwasthe guy she wanted, I just wasn’t able to believe I could be that guy forever. So I always left the door open, giving her out after out so she wouldn’t be stuck with me. But all she ever wanted was for me to be willing to take a risk on us. For me to say, yes, she is it. It might be hard sometimes, but she’s worth it—we are worth it.”

Matthew shakes his head. “She left me because I wasn’t willing to fight for her—forus. I didn’t show up when it mattered, and I didn’t make her feel like she was my everything. It wasn’t about being ‘worth’ anything—it was about proving to her that I was willing to risk both of our hearts. But I didn’t, and that’s why I lost her.”

“I…shit. I have to go,” I say, throwing a handful of bills down on the bar next to my glass, his words hitting me hard because, deep down, I know they’re true. I am so scared of Lila leaving me because she has to sacrifice too much to be with me that I am shoving her out the door myself.

---