Page 73 of Set Me On Fire

“He said he’s happy to catch up and asked me when suits me,” I told Jamie.

“Now.” Her sharp reply had me jerking forward, then flinching as my tailbone started to throb anew. “Right now. Get off the damn phone. Ring, don’t text. Ring him and then ring me right back afterwards. Now, Mills, or I swear to god, I’m?—”

“Going to take a goddamn Valium for whatever ails you?” I finished for her. “Or maybe see a priest about an exorcism, because who the fuck are you and where’s my mild-mannered friend?”

“It’s time to rip the bandage off, Mills. Delaying this shit isn’t going to change anything. The guys aren’t a bottle of wine you can keep in storage to mature. The longer you delay, the harder this will get. Ring him.”

And without even allowing me an opportunity for rebuttal, she hung up.

For a second I just stared at my screen, unable to believe what she’d done, but then her words started to filter through. Jamie was right, of course. Putting this off wouldn’t help anyone, least of all me, but in some ways that was easy for her to say. My brothers had secretly pined for her most of our livesand I… I was about to drop some really intense news that no guy wanted to hear.

My thumbs moved then pulled back from the screen, only to hover again. It was like I was fighting a thumb war with myself. Each one circled, circled, but wouldn’t make a move and I knew why. With my brother’s revelation, there were two Noah’s. The one I thought I knew, who blew me off in front of the whole school.

And the one that let my brothers scare him off.

Neither was particularly attractive right now, but unless I could get in a time machine and go back to that party and cock block myself, none of that mattered. The guy didn’t have to be a good partner, just a decent father if the child was his. It was then I committed a cardinal sin, not sending another text back, but tapping on the call button. I listened to the steady buzz and then he picked it up.

“Hey.”

God fucking dammit, Noah, why do you have to sound the same?His voice was one of the first things that attracted me to him. Mrs. Simons made us read the textbook chapter we were working on aloud before we could start work. She called on him to read one day, and while the other kids snickered, this rich, deep, masculine voice rolled over my skin, making me shiver. The fact that there was just a little amusement in his tone made it even better. That tiny little act of rebellion made the teacher frown and me swoon.

“Hey.”Good start, I thought furiously.Keep going!“Um… what’re you up to?”

“Me? I’m just about to walk out the door.” He was? Fuck. Fuck! “I’ve got a date…” My mind was racing, filling in that gap with a string of blonde, brunette, and redheaded beauties, each one panting over his muscular physique. He moved on so fast, I thought. “With my PT.”

“What?” What the hell was a…? Shit, he wasn’t going on a date, date. It was his?—

“Personal trainer,” he supplied helpfully. “The guy got me through the entrance exams for the fire service, so I see him every week to maintain my fitness levels.”

“Right.”

Oh yeah, I was on fire right now.

“But I’m pretty sure you didn’t ring up to talk sets or macros.” There was a little nudge to his tone that had me scrubbing my hand across my face. “You said we needed to talk? You know most blokes’ balls shrivel up into raisins when a woman says that.”

“Right.” I shut my eyes and placed my spare hand on my forehead, just focussing on my breathing. Why was this such a big deal? It didn’t need to be. He was either in or out and that was it. Waiting wasn’t helping my stress levels, or my best friend’s. “Look, I wanted to?—”

“Talk?” His voice dropped an octave, getting deeper, huskier, and right now I wanted to pull it around me like a warm blanket and luxuriate in it. “I thought we were, Millie.”

“Sorry for turning your testicles into dried fruit,” I replied, trying to laugh and failing. “I just wanted to see if you’d have time after work to have a quick chat. In person,” I added hastily.

“Sounds serious.” It is, I wanted to say, but didn’t, not when my throat was closing up by the second. The truth felt like a massive pill I couldn’t seem to swallow. “Do you want me to cancel the session with my PT?”

Yes, yes, I wanted that, more than anything. Worse, I wanted him to want that. I wanted him to be like pfft… dude who transformed my body, you’ll need to wait, because my teenage crush with the scary brothers says she needs me. I wanted to be wanted, wholly and solely, and for him to feel like responding to this request was his only option.

That I was his only option.

I wanted him, someone, to put me first, more than my next breath, but when I let out a long shuddering sigh, that’s not what I said.

Growing up with three brothers was cool in some ways and sucked in others. Crying, whining, complaining, they were all censured hard, making clear that if I wanted to play with them I needed to suck it up and fast. I internalised some kind of macho bullshit that sat badly on me like ill-fitting clothes. It wasn’t until I befriended Jamie back in primary school that I realised someone could care about you and your feelings. Trouble is, all that evaporated when dealing with guys. I either hid what I was feeling, waiting for them to somehow read my mind, or I blew them off before they even got the chance to work it out, saving myself the heartache.

But I couldn’t right now.

I smiled blindly, my eyes screwed closed in an expression that would’ve no doubt alarmed him, even as I kept my voice perfectly calm.

“No, of course not. Would tomorrow after work suit you?”

“Um… sure, but, Mills.”Don’t use that little pet name, I thought furiously.Don’t.“Do you wanna give me a hint as to what this is about?”

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