Page 57 of Set Me On Fire

In this new version, I let Jamie stagger off into the bushes to vomit on her own, because I knew my brothers would be here shortly. They went and made sure she was OK, while I… I leaned in closer and so did Noah, and I knew now how that would go, because we’d already done it. As I fell into sleep, I felt the brush, then the insistent presence, of Noah’s lips against mine. In my dreams, we redid everything that happened that night and more.

And not just the two of us.

Hope made me horny apparently, because in my dreams, I felt each one of them draw closer. And because this wasn’t real, they did exactly what I needed. They listened as I told them about our child and then… each one of them showed me exactly how happy they were to become a father and my partner.

The next morning,I woke up bleary eyed in response to my alarm. I was out of bed on automatic, scarfing down an impromptu breakfast of cold pad Thai, and then moving my arse to the fire station. Wearing business wear felt weird considering the last time I was here, but fake it before you make it, that was my new motto.

“Millie!” Brent was the one waiting for me by the massive roller doors this time. “Welcome. Now I know the boys gave you a bit of a tour, but I’m betting they just offered to let you put the sirens on rather than showed you where the facilities are. Come through and I’ll introduce you to the team as we go.”

I followed hot on his heels, as if the big man was a shield between me and the reality I had to face. I’d have every intention of talking to the guys, getting the whole pregnancy announcement done before I arrived at work. Things would beawkward, but we were all professionals. Once I explained that I didn’t need anything from them other than their silence about the baby, everyone could move on.

But I hadn’t.

Instead, I’d let myself wallow in this weird pit of misery, letting the days pass by until opportunity turned into necessity.

“So you’ve seen the appliance bay before.” Of course, it had to be them I was introduced to first. God, I’d have taken Dave over any one of the guys, let alone all three. Knox straightened up, and was his frown always that intimidating? I didn’t know, but it sure as shit was now. His arms crossed his chest, giving major back-off vibes. Charlie was smiling before he saw me, but that faded and something wary replaced it. And Noah, he shifted closer, taking a step involuntarily, and I just wanted him to keep on coming. Close the gap, connect.

Choose me.

Instead, the phone he was holding fell to the ground with a crack.

“Boys, you remember Millie McDonald.” Brent sounded warm and calm and normal. “She’s our new admin hire.”

Chapter 29

Knox

I was keeping a lid on it all untilsheshowed up.

“Just…” I started walking away from my team, needing some air, some fucking space. “I’m getting a coffee. You know what to do.”

They did and I had to trust that they would get on with it, because I couldn’t supervise, couldn’t stay here, couldn’t bloody breathe. It was a one night stand, I told myself, trying to be as tough on my dumb self as I had been Noah. It meant nothing. Just a bit of fun, a roll in the hay, a…

So why didn’t it feel like that?

I walked into the break room and couldn’t even remember how I got here, blinking at the coffee machine. Get it to-fucking-together, I told myself. I boiled the kettle and spooned in the grounds, but the actions didn’t take any kind of thought. My brain was all too ready to occupy itself with thoughts of Millie. Her running towards the fire like a bloody idiot. The way she felt in my arms. That red dress. Her smile as she slid into my lap. Kissing me like she fucking meant it, even though she obviously didn’t, the memories flashed faster and faster until I heard asharp whistle. The kettle, not steam coming out of my ears. I shook my head and flicked the switch to turn it off. I’d poured coffee into a mug often enough too, but apparently hadn’t had enough practise. I was still caught in the past when the black liquid filled the cup, then overflowed.

“Shit!” I looked around me madly, then spied a roll of paper towel. A wad of it helped mop up the bloody mess I’d made. The second for today, a sneaky voice inside my head told me. I’d been too rough on Noah. At least the bloke was holding out hope rather than whatever the fuck this was.

Despair.

My mind rebelled at that label, but when the shoe fits… That was the only way to describe it. I was so damn lonely. I had friends and people I played footy with and blokes I could have a beer with at the pub, but every single one of those interactions was always a surface level thing. I wanted more. Something real, something intense and deep and perfect. Something that would set my heart on fire because nothing else in my life did. I shook my head at the stupidity of that and then threw the paper towel in the bin before going to the fridge.

Only to find an empty milk container stuck in there.

“Fuck!”

A station full of blokes? We were not good at making sure things like milk were bought, so a lot of people drank black coffee. I dropped the plastic bottle in the bin and then turned and stormed out the door. It didn’t have to be like this. We could set up a system to have milk delivered so then if I wanted a bloody white coffee, I could have one. Gareth could have his massive bowls of cereal, and Rhett could fill up his protein shaker with all the milk he liked. It wasn’t that hard…

Of course, all purchases made by staff had to be done through admin and that’s where my feet had carried me.

I stoodin the doorway just staring.

“This is a… complex system,” Millie said, staring at the screen.

“It’s a shit show.” Judy laughed. “It’s not too late to back out of this job, y’know. Oof…” She arched her back and rubbed at it. “Though, please don’t.”

“Are you OK?” That concern, Millie had to be faking it, right? “Do you need something? A drink, painkillers, a massage?”

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